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/r/QOTSA Official Band of the Week 38: THE BLACK KEYS
Of all the casualties of the year from hell 2020, one sticks out for me the most. Pearl Jam. I had motherfucking PEARL JAM tickets. I was going to see them on the Gigaton tour, and they cancelled back in March. You have to remember that this was before sports and gatherings were cancelled, well before any widespread loss of life. Back then, I didn’t know anyone sick from COVID-19, let alone anyone who had died from it. Hell, these were the good old days when nobody wore masks outside, and you couldn’t tell the flat-earth anti-vaxxer loser crowd from anyone else until they opened their mouths. I gotta say, that concert cancellation felt like I’d been emotionally kicked to the curb. I had such high expectations and I was psyched. When it was cancelled, it was the first thing that really made COVID-19 feel real to me. Of course, all the other shit that has happened since, and the unbelievable loss of life due to the disease makes this moment completely pale in comparison to our current reality. But in March 2020, this was my personal turning point. Live music continues to be a casualty of the pandemic. At least my Pearl Jam tickets are electronic and the concert has just been postponed. I am hanging on to them in the hopes of seeing Eddie Vedder and the boys when the apocalypse is over. So I can’t say that I was super surprised when my tickets to see The Black Keys that same month were also cancelled and my money was refunded. That one was like getting a kick to the gut when you are already down, but it wasn’t unexpected either. The shitty thing is while I still have the Pearl Jam tickets, The Black Keys ones just plain evaporated when the money was refunded. Did I mention I miss live music? It doesn’t look like we are going to get to see concerts any time soon (or at least not until the vaccines are out there in far higher numbers than today). In the meantime, I am going to take us to enjoy the memory of my month of March 2020 that never was. That’s right, we are continuing our exploration of the Letter B. This week, we are going to check out THE BLACK KEYS. About Them What do you think of when I mention Akron, Ohio? If you are anything like me, you said tires. Akron was the home of the American Rubber Industry at the start of the 20th Century, to the point where the city called itself ‘the rubber capital of the world’. Four major tire manufacturers were located there: Goodyear , Firestone, Goodrich and General Tire. In fact, much of the housing in the city was built in part by the rubber industry to support the workers. So circular black round things are nothing new to Akron. But flat ones made of vinyl there are somewhat more rare. I know I was surprised to find out that Akron was also the home of Chrissy Hynde of The Pretenders, the 80’s new wave/punk band Devo, and this week’s rockin’ duo, The Black Keys. Also, some guy named LeBron James is from there, but since he left Cleveland it is a sin to even mention his name. Patrick Carney was born in Akron in 1980. His dad worked for the local newspaper as a reporter, and his mom worked for the city. His parents divorced when he was 6. His dad listened to all kinds of music and introduced him to many different genres. He lived part time with his mom and part time with his dad. Turns out, his dad’s house was right around the block from where Dan Auerbach lived. Auerbach is a year older than Carney. His mom was a French teacher and his father smelt of elderberries was an antique dealer. It was his dad’s collection of old Blues records that infected young Dan with a love for music. He grew up with Bluegrass and Blues in a time when other kids were listening to Nirvana and Soundgarden. As it turned out, there was a pretty strong musical background hidden in the neighborhood where both boys grew up. Auerbach, the cousin of one late great Robert Quine, was fated to meet Carney, the nephew of saxophonist Ralph Carney, who worked with the also late-great Tom Waits. Or, going by genres… a combination of experimental rock and Blues/Jazz. Yep, sounds about right. Their friendship first developed in highschool. Despite being in very, very different circles (cheer captain and bleachers soccer captain and social outcast) the boys found a shared interest in music. They began jamming in 1996, with Auerbach learning guitar and Carney playing drums (and recording with his shiny new 4-track tape recorder. ) Not much came from this until Auerbach, a fresh dropout of U of Akron, began touring. He tried to make a living doing small bar performances, but quickly found most venues would demand a demo tape. Auerbach reached out to the only person he knew who had recording equipment - Carney. Carney agreed, allowing his basement to be used as a studio while Auerbach found his bandmates. Who, fatefully for us, never showed up. The duo ended up jamming out in the basement. Their chemistry led to them producing a 6-track demo consisting of “old Blues rip-offs and words made up on the spot”. They sent this rag-tag demo off to 12 labels. Only one label replied: a small-time one out of Los Angeles called Alive. The year was 2002. The duo needed a name. Their moniker came from schizophrenia - I kid you not. And neither do I. (We also don’t.) A mutual acquaintance, Alfred McMoore, would leave incoherent messages referring to the boy's fathers as “Black Keys” - you know, those piano keys like D-Flat or C-Sharp or B-SharpSharp. In March of 2002, the duo played their first live performance at Cleveland's Beachland Ballroom and Tavern, to an astonishing eight people. The duo needed a “big” release to make it “big”. So, they had to “come up” with something “big”. The Big Come Up (2002) is Indie as fuck. Much like their first demo, it was recorded entirely in Carney’s basement on an 8-track tape recorder. (If you are following along: Upgrades, people. Upgrades! !) It’s a mix of Blues covers and original tracks, and despite it’s roughness, it’s a beautiful example of the duo’s sheer talent. Honestly, the loose, rough-around-the-edges nature of this thing suits the music exceptionally well. Tracks like I’ll Be Your Man, Busted, and Heavy Soul are lo-fi, Bluesy blasts of distorted guitar, sultry vocals, and thinly mixed thumpin’ drums. What can I say - there’s an undeniable charm in simplicity. And this big come up was not going unnoticed. The boys achieved some decent sales, and garnered a bit of a cult following. Critics started to notice them, and soon, they managed to land themselves a whole new deal. That’s right, they were moving up in the world. The Black Keys started mowing lawns full time. Truly, the dream job. Look man, I said the sales were decent, not amazing. The duo still needed cash for the road, so they did what they could to make ends meet. Mowing lawns really paid off when they earned themselves a new record deal, this time with Mississippi’s Fat Possum Records. Evidently, they completed their second album within mere days of signing. Possums are inspirational, what can I say. 2003’s Thickfreakness is every bit as Indie as their first album. It was recorded in the same style as its predecessors - i.e., Carney's basement on ye olde 8-track tape recorder. This time, however, all the recording was done in a single 14 hour session. Apparently, this strategy was necessary since the band had spent all of their advanced pay on rent. In other words, it’s basically a live album. It’s raw, it’s rough, and it’s rockin’ - and yet somehow, it’s as smooth as the petroleum jelly on its cover. Oh yeah. Thick AND freaky. Actually, quick side note on the cover art of this album: the band had almost zero idea what they wanted to do for it at first. They drove around Akron searching for ideas, and only got one when they stumbled into a Super K-Mart. There, they found a can of Pomade hair styling cream, and were struck by inspiration. They rushed it home and took the image we all know and love by lighting it up with every lamp in their house. Patrick Carney’s hand is seen in the image. Now you know! Any way, if you liked their first album, you’d love Thickfreakness just as much. Tracks like Hard Row, Set You Free, and the titular Thickfreakness are explosions of catchy riffs and Bluesy euphoria. Critics hailed it once again, and soon, The Black Keys were garnering even more attention than before. Many compared them to the White Stripes, and not always in a positive light. There was a certain level of derision in the comparison, since both bands were duos from the midwest that played Garagey Blues Rock and had a color in their name. Hmm. Okay, when you put it like that they sound pretty fucking similar. But I mean, it isn’t completely unfathomable that it happened twice…now, if I were to go start a band called “The Grey, Door-Unlocking, Straight Lines”, THAT might be a bit copyright infringe-y. This also gave rise to their first big time advertising offer. They could have gotten £200,000 for letting a company use one of their songs in an English Mayonnaise Ad. Mayonnaise: the international benchmark for when you are hitting the big time. However, they turned down the offer in order to not be perceived as “Sell outs”. This may be foreshadowing, unless I forget to follow up on this. I guess we’ll find out later. The band faced a challenge in their third album. Their previous record studio, a basement, was no longer available to them after the landlord sold it. They found the answer in Akron’s industrial history: a makeshift studio in a former tire factory. Released in September of 2004, Rubber Factory received critical acclaim. It was the first of their albums to chart on the US billboard 200 (at a respectable 143). Stand-out songs include the two singles, 10 A.M. Automatic and Till I get my way/Girl is on my Mind, the latter of which being a double A-side. The duo rolled across the globe on a world tour, spawning a live album fittingly called Live in 2005. The boys were doing pretty damn well. Enjoying the success of their previous album, they went on to finish up their deal with Fat Possum. The 6 track album Chulahoma: The Songs of Junior Kimbrough acts as a tribute to Bluesman Junior Kimbrough, who had previously signed on with the Chunky Marsupial label. Recorded in an Akron Basement, it’s a classy tribute to a good musician. But the most important part of Chulahoma was that it set the boys free from the… pouch, I guess? Marsupials are weird. The point is, the boys could now sign on with a different label. And after Rubber Factory, they certainly had options. The Fat Possum contract satisfied, the band signed with Nonesuch Records in 2006. Later that year, the band released a second live album, Live in Austin, which was recorded in 2003. The band also landed a few major advertising gigs, including Sony, Nissan, and Victoria’s Secret. You’d think with all this new popularity, the band would go for a real, serious studio for their fourth album. Magic Potion (2006) was recorded in Carney’s Basement. I guess some habits are hard to shake. Auerbach was quoted as saying, “We like the sound of odd rooms. It's got concrete floors and walls. The upstairs floor is the ceiling. The mixing desk and computer are on top of the tool desk built by the old guy who used to live there.” The band took the finished tapes, and had them remastered for $350. When they were returned, the duo discovered that their master tapes had zero bass. In a move that Carney still regrets, the band went “Oh, Ok” and mailed them off to the record label anyway. The album was their first to contain all-original songs, and included three singles: Just Got to Be, a pretty started Bluesy-Rock song. Your Touch which could also be a Victoria's Secret deal is a pretty straightforward Rock song. You’re The One is a bit more reserved, but not a ballad by any stretch of the mind. It’s 42 minutes of their standard, Bluesy Rock and it’s worth a listen. It also spawned the band’s largest tour thus far, filling theaters and 1,000-seat venues. In 2007, producer Danger Mouse began working on a record for one Ike Turner. Turner was an early Rock and Roll legend, and when Danger Mouse asked if The Black Keys would like to record a few songs for the project, they jumped at the chance. Unfortunately, the deal did not go through. Later, in 2007, Turner passed away. The band was left with a scattering of material that they decided to use to build a new album. Attack & Release, their fifth studio album, was born of this and produced by Danger Mouse. The band noticeably moved away from their “homemade” ethos by recording in a professional studio. They also hired an outside producer. Danger Mouse helped the band out with buttery-smooth production values and instrumental flourishes. The net result was an album that debuted at #14 on the Billboard 200. This thing is a real Beaut’. It brings a whole new sheen to the Black Keys’ signature brand of garage minimalism. The band stepped out of their established comfort zone, and came through better than ever. I’m talking backing vocals, guest guitarists, flute players. Dogs and cats, living together. Mass hysteria. Hell, why not throw in a jaw harp and a bass clarinet? We’re getting creative here. Front to back, this album is thoroughly enjoyable and remarkably clean, especially if you’re used to their more rugged early work. Check out the banjo-inspired riffage of Psychotic Girl, and you’ll understand. Fun fact: that song is certifiably catchier than syphilis. I Got Mine and Strange Times are fast, thumping, and should probably come with a speeding warning. Yet the Keys showed a softer side here too - Remember When is a beautiful two part slow burn, and the album’s final track Things Ain't Like They Used To Be is a silky, freshly-mowed Bluegrass duet. The production quality on Attack & Release became a staple of all of their future albums. Have you ever wondered about those crazy stupid instructions you sometimes see on everyday items? Like, Q-Tip instructions where they say not to put them in your ears? (Which is exactly what I do, because they scratch that itch so good.) Well, if you look at the cover of the 2010 album Brothers, you totally get the same vibe. It was a success, with two songs off of it - Tighten Up and Howlin’ For You - generating tons of buzz for the band. Both had significant airplay. If I am completely honest here, Howlin’ For You was my introduction to the duo. I remember hearing it on the radio one day and thinking how different the sound was, and how fresh it sounded compared to the hillbilly-hey-ho kinda stuff that was then all over the airwaves. In reality, the success of this album probably saved the band. Auerbach had been dabbling in solo projects and had let everyone know - except Carney. Carney had been going through a particularly shitty time, as his wife had cheated on him, stolen money, and lied to him repeatedly. He had just gone through a bad divorce (is there such a thing as a good divorce?) and his last important relationship was with his bandmate - who now wanted to do music without him. Fuck. Fortunately, the duo got their proverbial shit together and decided to keep making music. The title of the album reflects this re-commitment to the band. Brothers is darker, because Carney was in a dark place when it was made. The vibe of the record resonated with many. It won Grammy awards and gave the band some significant airplay and critical momentum. The boys went from being Indie darlings to mainstream music icons with this release. It has just been re-mastered and re-released for its 10th anniversary. The slow burn of success finally peaked for the band with El Camino in 2011. Seriously, you have already heard songs from this record, as they had massive airplay. If you somehow have lived under a Rock, this is a great place to start for the band. If Brothers was their Rated R, then El Camino is their Songs for the Deaf. Tracks like Lonely Boy and Gold on the Ceiling and Little Black Submarines were everywhere. The album received absolutely universal acclaim, and anyone who doesn’t like it is a flat-earth QAnon supporter. Well, probably. Perhaps one of the best things about the album is that instead of the classic title vehicle, the cover has a Plymouth Voyager. A van. With woodwalls, ffs. Anyone that knows any history of the band knows that the van there was a picture of the first vehicle that they toured in, making it the ultimate kind of in-joke. Carney, never one to be shy, compared the appearance of his home town to the cover of the album, saying that Akron was, “A busted up parking lot with a busted up car.” But at least we know that van had good tires. It was from Akron, after all. El Camino propelled The Black Keys from an opener to a headliner. They were soon selling out venues all over the world. To new listeners in 2011, they seemingly came out of nowhere. But to the eight early fans that had seen them (perhaps when they toured in that fugly van) this was the culmination of years of steady effort. Now they had to prove to the world that this record was not a fluke. Turn Blue, their eighth effort, came out in May of 2014. El Camino had been such a massive hit that the boys felt the heavy weight of expectations. They did not disappoint. Clearly inspired by Auerbach’s love of the Blues, this effort made numerous global top ten lists. Critics LOVED it. Tunes like Fever and Bullet in the Brain made you think you were listening to an album from the 60’s that was also somehow brand new. Their unique brand of Bluesy Garage Rock mixed with Psychedelia was unlike anything else out there. The cover art was supposed to be reminiscent of hippie mind control, and helped portray them as modern throwbacks. The boys had truly found fame. They were now headlining world tours, selling out stadiums, and finding their way into mainstream culture. They performed for the third time on SNL. Carney was having twitter fights with Justin Bieber fans (I mean, not the worst thing you could do) and, somewhat to his surprise, this kinda shit now made the entertainment news. Even the album was announced in a tweet by retired Heavyweight ear muncher boxing champion Mike Tyson. The Black Keys had a massive global tour in support of the record. They were on top of the world. And they were very soon burnt out. The constant grind of touring got to them. They got into music to make music, and felt that they were just too drained to do so. So they took a break. A long one. After a five-year hiatus where fans feared that they may never return, The Black Keys finally dropped Let’s Rock in June of 2019. The lead single from this album, Lo/Hi, was a gritty guitar-themed track that showed that this duo still had all the right moves, despite the long time between recording projects. The album itself is a scorcher. All of the songs were written by Auerbach and Carney in the studio, with neither of them bringing in anything pre-worked. They’d mess around with a lick or a theme for about an hour and if something in it clicked, they’d continue. If nothing did, they’d ditch it and move on. This approach may sound similar to many QotSA fans, as it mimics pretty closely what Josh does with his parade of artists out at Rancho de la Luna when coming up with material for The Desert Sessions. The title of the album was inspired by the execution of convicted murderer Edmund Zagorski. As he was strapped to the electric chair and asked if he had any last words, Zagorski said, “Let’s Rock”. So now you know how the album got its title, and also why it has an electric chair on the cover. I have no fucking idea why it is a pink electric chair, but the cartoon lover in me wants to think that it is because of the clearly pink zaps of electricity that the chair delivers. Pink zaps or no, the band had a hit record. It was an international stand out, and remains one of their best recordings. And I, like some of you, was going to see this goddam tour before COVID. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck. I miss live music, and I for-fucking-sure am going to catch them the next time they tour. I encourage you to do so too. Links to QOTSA The Black Keys have shared a stage with QotSA a number of times at concerts and festivals. These guys are true contemporaries in the music world. However, things have not always been super-duper between them. Patrick Carney has lit into Josh Homme and Lady Gaga in the same sentence. Commenting on Gaga’s song ‘Perfect Illusion’ (that our boy Josh plays guitar on) Carney has been quoted as saying: “I’m lost because the guitar at the top of it sounds so shitty...It’s like ‘Eye Of The Tiger’, but not even nearly as good as that. It sounds like Hulk Hogan is playing the fucking guitar.” Gaga was not shy about replying, saying about Carney that, “...he’s not as snarky as I would be, watching him in a guitar death-match w Kevin Parker and Josh Fucking Homme”. Here’s the video for Gaga’s Perfect Illusion - judge for yourself. All I have to say is that I may have been high when writing this, but I’ve never been quite as high as her shorts are in this video. Somehow this song that involves intense crotch chafing in the desert has over 150 million views. It is also notable that Mark Ronson and Josh Homme worked on this song together, and that Ronson went on to produce the latest QotSA album Villains. Their Music Next Girl - Godzilla looks way fucking bigger in the movies. But man can he sing. Tighten Up - The most unbelievable thing about this video is that two grown men would be at a children’s playground without Karen calling the cops. Howlin’ For You - Alexa Wolf: A Sexy Assassin With A Troubled Past. Also, I am pretty fucking sure she is a Cylon. Someone better tell Las Teclas de Negro. Lonely Boy - Say what you will, but buddy here has some moves. Gold On The Ceiling - You know the van at 0:08 is an Easter Egg. Blink and you miss it. Dead and Gone - Just in case you missed it. Fever - Auerbach looks more strung out here than a busted guitar. The cuts from actual TV Evangelist audience members make this video a bit creepier than it needs to be. Turn Blue - Watch out for Hypnotoad. Oh SHI~ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD Just Got to Be - The boys appear to have snuck into a rural elementary school gym to record this video. The song still kicks all kinds of ass. Lo/Hi - I gotta say, the pink lightning bolt is a nice touch. Strange Times - Lazer Tag: the game that is never quite as fun as you think it will be. Your Touch - This video starts with the boys getting shot. Fuck, the mean streets of Akron are WAY tougher than I ever gave them credit for. Show Them Some Love /TheBlackKeys - just short of 7,500 members. Maybe if they had made that Mayo ad, more people would be in this subreddit. See, I told you to pay attention! That was totally worth it. Previous Posts Band of the Week #1-25 The Jimi Hendrix Experience Black Flag Alain Johannes Pixies Truckfighters Melvins Muse Stone Temple Pilots Black Sabbath Baroness Black Rebel Motorcycle Club The Black Angels
It's a huge patch 1.77 GB. Update 11/10/2020PC: 1.68.154.1020 / Mac: 1.68.154.1220Console: Version: 1.33 Welcome, Simmers! A relaxing getaway sure sounds nice right about now. We’re inviting you to take a trip with your Sims to your favorite destination with the newly added ability to vacation anywhere within The Sims 4! Here at Maxis, we’ll be hitting the slopes of Mt. Komorebi with the release of The Sims 4 Snowy Escape in just a few short days. Curious how it works? Read on! We’ve got a big haul of new features and requested fixes in this major update to The Sims 4. -SimGuruGraham and SimGuruRusskii NEW & IMPROVED FEATURES Platforms Platforms enable you to build rooms at varying heights within a story level. As much as we’d love to sit here and go on and on about how incredible platforms are and how they completely revolutionize Build Mode, you’ll see that for yourself as soon as you try them out in-game! Here are some basics for how they function and how you start building with them. You either can use the newPlatform Tooldirectly in or you can place preset platforms that come in various shapes and sizes. You’ll find both of these within the “Walls and Empty Rooms” section of Build Mode. You easily can add or adjust the height of a platform in any room. Simply click on a room to select it, and the new up & down arrows in the widget that appears will allow you to add or adjust the height of a platform within that space. Because platforms can have their height adjusted up or down, you can even create platforms that sink down beneath ground… like, really,reallydeep down. I don’t know why anyone would want to do that \cough\ devious players *cough*, but the option’s there! This ability to go deep is reserved for the ground level and basements.** You can stack platforms on top of platforms, on top of platforms, on top of platforms, on top of platforms, on top of platforms… Seriously, go nuts. Get creative. Make something nobody has ever seen in The Sims before!... On top of platforms… When a platform’s height is a single step higher or lower than the adjacent floor, Sims are able to step onto it. For anything higher than a single step, connecting a set of stairs or a ladder between the different surfaces will allow Sims to reach them. Here’s your first advanced lesson in platforming: Remember that callout about stacking platforms on top of each other? If each stacked platform is a single step in height, you could certainly make some interesting custom staircases…
One notable exception- platforms can’t connect across multiple levels. If you build a stack of platforms all the way to the ceiling, the very last step will need to be a staircase or ladder to connect two separate floors of a building together.
Platforms can be utilized as fully functional space or be purely decorative areas - the choice is yours! As you adjust the height of a platform, your Sims will intelligently adapt to that space. For example, you could create a platform with only enough head clearance for a child to enter. The possibilities are endless! The visual look of platforms can be customized in a variety of ways. The “Walls and Empty Rooms” section of Build Mode now has a “Platform Trims” subcategory. Here you’ll find trims that match all of our foundations as well as some new trims with basic materials that look perfect in the interior of a building. Want to go even further? Try wrapping the edge of a platform with half walls and then customize the edge with any wall material. Mix and match these methods for creative results! Even More Half-Walls Speaking of Half-Walls, we’re pleased to share that we’ve created 12 additional Half-Wall heights to choose from, adding to the 7 heights previously available. One could factually say this is our most sizable Half-Wall update ever! Pity the poor person who was tasked with writing uniquely descriptive names for each of these 19 height variations. Sentiments Sentiments are those special fuzzy feelings that form between Sims when they share a memorable moment together. Shared experiences between Sims now offer the opportunity for Sims to develop long-lasting sentiments between each other, which in turn affects how they feel and act in the presence of (or the absence of) another particular Sim. Unlike relationships between Sims, Sentiments can be a one-sided affair. When two or more Sims share an experience together, you may find that all, some, or none of them walk away from that moment having formed a lasting impression of the other Sims that were involved. The base game includes a wide variety of these Sentiments and Snowy Escape has additional ones tied to experiences within that pack. Sentiments that have formed between Sims can be viewed in two locations. When socializing with another Sim, click on the heart-covered notebook that appears in the social UI at the top of your screen. Alternatively, you can view the Sentiments that exist between two Sims at any time within the new Sim Profile within the Relationship Panel. Read on for more information on this new Sim Profile ... Sim Profiles Have you ever gone to check out the other Sims in your Sims’ life, only to be greeted with an overwhelmingly large tooltip that extended from the tippy top all the way to the bottom of your screen? We certainly have, and we weren’t happy with it.There has to be a better way!...And there is! Introducing:Sim Profiles! Within the Relationship Panel, you can now click on the portrait of any Sim and select “Open Sim Profile” for a full breakdown of all the info the active Sim knows about that Sim. It even includes those nifty new Sentiments everyone’s been talking about! Skin Tone Update Console & Community Identified Issues We saw your feedback about the October skin tones update and, to improve clarity and transparency, we shared a first look on Twitter of the fix in progress. With this patch, the Console game gets the October fixes for texture compression, resolving the banding on the cheeks and foreheads as well as discoloration on the tip of the nose. In addition, this patch addresses the two community-identified issues of red dots around the lips and a dark blotch between the eyes. The red dots around the lips should be completely resolved at this time. The dark blotch between the eyes was softened to remove the hard edge, but the darkening is expected as part of the shadowing around the nose. Vacation Anywhere Couldn’t we all use a good vacation right about now? Your Sims certainly could, and now they can go anywhere! The ability to go on a vacation to any of your worlds has been added to the game for all players along with the “Rental” lot type. To vacation to a world, a rental lot must exist within it. Should you purchase Snowy Escape, you’ll find the residential world of Mt. Komorebi includes some pre-built rental lots - a ready getaway awaiting your Sims. If you prefer to vacation in another world (Sulani, anyone?), you’ll first need to enter Manage Worlds mode and update at least one of the lots within the desired world to become a rental lot. During a vacation, if your Sims are lacking any necessities, they now can “Order Supplies Now” from the rental’s mailbox or from their phone. Happy travels! Toddler Slippers We figured it’d be nice to give toddlers a pair of slippers to wear. So we did. Cozy feet! S-Pop Radio Station You may remember S-Pop (short for “Sim-Pop”) as a radio station in the City Living expansion pack. While the music tracks that originally came with that station will remain exclusive to City Living, the station itself is now available for all players with five new songs for all players to enjoy: “keep on rocking”Performed by CHAIWritten by Yuki Mizutani (p/k/a/ Yuki), Kanae Obata (p/k/a Kana) and Manami Obata (p/k/a Mana)Published by Sony Music Publishing (Japan) (JASRAC)Recording courtesy of Sony Music Japan by arrangement with Sony Music Entertainment “Kanzen Houki Sengen (Simlish Version)”Performed by NanawoakariWritten by Nanawoakari & Tamaya2060Published by Sony/ATV Music PublishingRecording courtesy of Sony Music Japan by arrangement with Sony Music Entertainment “Part. 2”Performed by SASUKEWritten by SASUKEPublished by Warner Chappell PublishingRecording courtesy of Warner Music Japan Inc. by arrangement with Warner Music Group Video Game Licensing “Ninhursag’s Tone”Performed by Unite SatisfyWritten by Shintaro AokiPublished by Syn SongsRecording courtesy of NNN Records & Cross Groove/Syn Songs “Harujion”Performed by YOASOBIWritten by Takuya Shimizu (p/k/a Takuya) and Akira Tsubono (p/k/a Akira)Published by Sony Music Publishing (Japan) (JASRAC)Recording courtesy of Sony Music Japan by arrangement with Sony Music Entertainment And now, onto the fixes: The Sims 4
Freelancer Sims now can complete Gigs they have signed up for and harvest the fruits of their labor. Simoleons, Simoleons, Simoooleons… SIMOOOLEOOONS.
Does your Sim look bored all the time? Even when you think they are having fun, they look bored to you? Not a problem anymore. It’s been… taken care of.
Calls Dropping? Is your Cell Phone behaving like a certain network is just not up to snuff? We have upgraded all Sims to Simgular - Llama’s Choice Network that does not allow Off-the-Grid shenanigans when your Sims are not Off-the-Grid.
TheNanoCan Touchless Trash Canhas been recalled and fixed so now all your trash can be cash in a flash.
Did you ever experience the Honey I Shrunk the Basil and Sage Plants issue in-game? No longer!\No Sage or Basil Plants were harmed in the fixing of this issue*.*
Ever had Sims show up looking like a product of a bad makeover? Did your Debate Judge just show up to the debate wearing a mascot hat when they're not the mascot? Did your fellow Spellcasters show up in the Magic Realm wearing not so magical clothes? Say no more… We have applied a fix so that non-playable Sims can be a bit more appropriately coordinated in their outfits and per occasion.
To explain a bit further, we created a much more robust set of internal tools that allows us to have greater control over the outfits that the Sims choose to wear in unique situations. We’ve improved a lot of the wacky townie fashion you’ve seen previously (it’s called fashion sweaty - look it up), but if you still see oddities - let us know. It’ll be an easier issue for us to “iron out” moving forward! Together, we can defeat the dreaded eyeball ring.
Door lock settings now persist when Sims travel. That’s right! If I disallow everybody, it should stay that way when I travel… or when I exit the game… and the occasional restart, too... hmpf!
Sims who have passed away no longer sometimes disappear from their Genealogy. This is not retroactive, so any Sims that already disappeared will not return.
Sims no longer ignore the kitchen sink and dishwasher to wash their dishes in the bathroom sink. Okay.
Oasis Springs’ World Map now shows lots in the correct locations. I see you, Yuma Heights - don’t be sneaky now.
Sims now can propose to their beloved without rejection (congratulations!). On the same note, Sims with multiple romantic partners now can propose and marry one of them and not get sabotaged by their partners’ predicament of not being able to get married because they are employed together, even when they are not.
Sims who have finished their workday now get back to things sooner instead of sometimes staring off into space.
Ever wished your delicious food just never… ended? We thought we did until our Sims were unable to finish their meals. Now they are able to finish Eating Leftovers. They are leftovers, not leftFOREVERS.
Sims sharing double beds now can Nap or Sleep in any combination. Sim A can nap and Sim B can Sleep… or Sim A can Sleep and Sim B can nap… or they can both Sleep… or nap… well, you get the picture.
Shower Tubs now can be cleaned enough to be visibly squeaky-clean.
Another one bites the dust. The issue that generated Error Code: 110:c875d8ff on game load has been fixed.
Style Influencer Sims now perform Quick Sketch Impression without breaking the Digital Sketchpad. Be kind with your tools and toys.
Removed incorrect Moodlets such as “Awkward Hug” when Unflirty Sims hugged kids. In the same fashion, we made sure Unflirty Sims no longer receive the “Witnessed Crass Act” Moodlet when parents and children hug or kiss cheeks.
Adult Sims now Teach Blocks to their Toddlers. Learning in early life is important!
Sims on vacation now can hire a Nanny and/or a Butler to take care of things while they are away.
Toddlers no longer will show as “At Daycare” when they are taken back home via the “Care for Self” option. No Toddler clones here... you can’t be two places at once!
Toddlers left at home while the rest of the household goes on Vacation now receive proper care and otherwise can join the Vacation. THINK OF THE CHILDREN. Toddlers deserve fun and relaxation in new places, too!
Toddlers no longer get the “Silly Ocean” Moodlet from playing in rivers.
Children once again can earn Adult skills. *sniff* They grow up so fast!
Simmers in social events now get a warning when switching to a Sim in another neighborhood rather than the event cancelling automatically.
Sims with enough Simoleons now can move into empty lots.
Splitting households and then moving no longer causes an infinite load.
We told Sims that they should probably not take 45 minutes to drink a single cup of Coffee. As you guys know, I am a coffee fiend, but nursing the same cup for that long is not in the coffee lover’s manual for enjoying fresh coffee.
We met with our wonderful Sim Firefighters and came to the agreement that they now also will extinguish fires on wall objects such as paintings.
Action progress bars no longer are interrupted when a new action is added to a Sim's queue.
Sometimes items could disappear from your Sim's inventory after travelling. This should no longer happen. Where is my cup of coffee? Oh, okay, it is here….
Sims no longer have Clay Blobs, Future Cubes, and/or Sketch Pads spawn infinitely in their Inventory. This felt like grabbing something out of Felix the Cat’s bag… just a never-ending bag of Clay Blobs, Future Cubes, and Sketch Pads… what did it all mean!? We may never know.
Opening a stack of Inventory items and then going back now highlights the correct item.
In reviewing items in Inventory, we realized that some item stacks were showing the number 99+ incorrectly on Multiselect. What’s the number? -Stomp, Stomp!- What’s the number? -Stomp, Stomp!- The number of the day… you’re about to see the number is the actual number of items you have! Ah ha ha. That’s the number of the day!
Sims no longer endlessly play games such as Chess, Sabacc (if you own Journey to Batuu), Voidcritter Cards (if you own Kids Stuff), and your regular Card games. I could play with Meduso forever though… #Meduso4ever.
Page Up/Page Down and Home/End Keys now work in Free Cam Mode.
The Aspiration Panel now shows the gender of Sims regardless of whether they are active.
Now only Gardeners autonomously remove wild plants. Sims with Green Fiend Trait (if you own Eco Lifestyle) were being a bit overly eager in removing plants everywhere, so the professionals will handle it from now on.
“Listen To Together” on a Stereo no longer resets Sims.
Sims no longer get “Poorly Decorated” and “Dismally Decorated” Moodlets when decorations are in the room. This applies to new Saves as it is not retroactive, but, my, how judgemental Lots were….
Columns now can rotate 45 degrees and in Free Rotation. Spin them right round, Simmers, right round.
Theliveeditobjectscheat no longer surfaces items with broken thumbnails that were not meant to be part of that cheat. Pardon our dust.
Shower descriptions in the catalog said they were “Uncomfortable.” Showers are meant to relax and be a place of meditation, so the catalog now says they provide “Discomfort Relief” unless the specific shower really is uncomfortable.
The Subtle Saucer and the Super Subtle Saucer now have images that are more distinct from each other in the catalog. Super Subtle, Super Saucer.
Removed the “Player Feats” door because it wasn’t really a door…
DishwashersThe Professional Dish Laborer,Washer Pro Free-Standing Dishwasher(from Dine Out), andIndustrial Dishwasher Unit(from Parenthood) no longer have a gap between counters.
Digital Worldwall tiles have been polished. Shiny and new!
Career-unlockable outfits no longer show up when filtering for Custom Content.
Toddlers no longer have bald spots when zoomed out on Low Graphics Settings.
Frayed jeanymBottom_EF13JeansFrayedCrop_Blackno longer clips with several tops.
Anniversary t-shirtsyfTop_EF05ShirtTeeAnniversaryandymTop_EF05ShirtTeeAnniversaryfit better on more body types.
Sims with certain feminine frames now look better when wearing Pants or Full Body outfits.
Fixed some Create a Sim item backgrounds.
Selecting what you want to do next at the end of the tutorial on console no longer has the mysterious word "Label" in the background.
Gallery filters no longer cut off some venue type names in some languages. This was particularly egregious for French and Brazilian Portuguese text.
Game fonts got some spiffing up to keep all characters looking their best.
As with every update, the localization team has tweaked, improved, and fixed text across all Packs and previous updates.
Get to Work
Scientist Sims placing collected crystals and metals in their Laboratory no longer crash the game. Do you ever science so hard, the simulation crashes?
The “Test Serum” action on a Scientist co-worker no longer causes an error.
Get Together
Stone Frame Window (window1x1_EP02TUDstoneFrame2Tile_set1), Holey Geometry (window1x1_EP02TUDLow_03_2Tile_set1), andKing of Diamonds Classical Door (doorSingle2x1_EP02TUDHigh3Tile_set1)now place properly.
Sims in Clubs with a Read rule now finish the books they choose to read. No cheating, my friends.
Wearing their Earbuds (if you own Fitness Stuff) and participating in Club Gatherings no longer causes an error.
Club affiliation on University Housing (if you own Discover University) now persists after entering Build/Buy Mode.
City Living
Ultra Speed now works while Festivals are in progress. Some conspiracy can be said about Festivals wanting Simmers to enjoy them in all their glory… at a normal speed at every speed, but these are just conjectures… yes.
Sims no longer read their mail aloud while conversing with their apartment neighbors. Talk about rude, right?
“Read about Festival” now consistently displays festival information.
Sims from specific San Myshuno neighborhoods now have more variety on their appearance.
Cats and Dogs
Stencils in Create a Sim (Pet) now consistently paint your furry friends without crashing.
Seasons
The holiday tradition New Skill Day now focuses on starting new skills and improving low level skills so skills that are maxed out don’t count.
Toddlers who are inside during a blizzard and in a high chair no longer want to Run Inside, so their caretakers won’t take them out of the chair prematurely. You are safe little one; you are safe.
Now all onions, carrots, mushrooms, potatoes, apples, tomatoes, and growfruits can be planted indoors during freezing weather.
Plants no longer change their quality or evolve on their own after Sims traveling.
Some Outdoor Plants that were stuck in summefall now turn brown and lose their flowers when winter starts.
Sims now can book Vacations on the computer during holidays.
Simmers who have disabled Rain and Snow no longer should see them during Mysterious Weather. Mysterious indeed.
Male Sims now wear appropriate shoes when working as a Floral Designer or Botanist.
The beanie hatcuHat_EP05BeaniePomnow looks a bit better.
Sims scheduling an event in the Calendar for a Rental Lot no longer end up in a Lot where they have not been greeted.
Get Famous
Stans (“stalker fans”) and Kleptomaniac Sims no longer steal Pet food bowls or Cat litter. I have no words for this one. I have nothing.
Sims with maxed out Atrocious Reputation now maintain their reputation when traveling. Atrocious you shall be forever.
Island Living
Conservationist Sims now Write Conservation Articles at the appropriate career level (level 4). On the same note, the task for Research Conservation now can be completed.
Odd Jobs no longer get stuck in a state where Inventory and Build Mode cannot be accessed.
We had long conversations with Island Celebration Participants and agreed that no random Sims should enter a Sim’s home without permission, barging in as if they owned the place. Excuse you, privacy, and property are a thing, you know?
Discover University
We chatted with the registrar at Britechester University and got them to agree that students should receive class time reminders before class instead of after. You’re welcome. Now, make sure you go on time, alright?
School Spirit Day no longer schedules multiple instances at the same time. But… Did you know it is Spirit Day?
Club gatherings no longer have Sims with their bikes indoors in a disruptive manner.
Sims traveling long distances including stairs now properly walk the stairs and then hop their bikes and they don’t leave their bike behind. You can’t just abandon your bicycle - what about the poor bike’s feelings?
Sims now properly get off bikes while on a slope.
Lawyer Sims now File Court Documents as their tasks dictate at levels after 5. Just because you move up doesn’t mean you stop filing docs.
Students in a different neighborhood from their University now go to school instead of work when choosing “Go to Class” from the Career Panel.
Students now can receive only one merit scholarship per term.
Sims no longer are listed as being at University when they are at home.
The game no longer sometimes freezes when Sims enroll in University. We get that attending University is life-changing, but freezing a game is taking it a bit to extremes.
Students now return to Campuses in their leisure time to cloud gaze and play Soccer in the surrounding areas of Britechester University and Foxbury Institute respectively.
Sims jogging in an Exo-Mech suit no longer get fatigue-related Moodlets.
For Eco Lifestyle Simmers, “Throw Away” and “Compost” now are available on piles of discarded food. The consequences of not having these were especially egregious at University Dorms.
SweatpantsyfBottom_EP08LooseSweatpantsnow look better when paired with scarfyfTop_EP08SweaterScarfin Create a Sim.
Eco Lifestyle
Recycle Disciple Sims without the Kleptomaniac Trait now swipe household objects less often. We get it, we are all trying to do our best for the environment, but going after your Dumpster was a bit too far… we kinda need that.
Eco Footprints no longer change very quickly from “Green” to “Neutral.” Knox rejoices.
Eco Footprints in Worlds no longer become Neutral when entering Manage Worlds.
We had a chat with Eco Inspectors and they agreed that they should display the correct occupation from now on. And they shall be known as Eco Inspectors… forever.
Bulldozing Pinecrest Apartments now is possible without damaging the lot.
Harvestables obtained via a Dumpster no longer disappear from Inventory a few minutes later. Easy come, easy go… would you not disappear, though?
Recycling is a wonderful thing. Recycling for Inventory exposed missing text on some Grand Meals, so we filled in those names.
Toddlers living in Lots with the Reduce and Recycle Lot Trait mayyyybe were taking it a bit too far generating trash piles in their inventories. Put that down - No more trash in your pockets.
Did your floor patterns experience a glow that never went away after selecting all of them? That’s not a problem anymore.
The Wallpaper formerly known assheetStandingSeam01GENhas been renamed toCorrugated Metal.
The Fabricator’s Fabricated Couch (no dye) recipe now creates the correct item.
Residential Wall Speakeris renamed toVenue Wall Speaker: Americanato accurately reflect its function and music.
Venue Wall Speaker: Americananow looks correct with the neutral wood option.
Women’s sandalsyfShoes_EP09PlatformSandalsnow look better when paired with jumpsuityfBody_EP09JumpsuitUtility.
Sims no longer get up from their seats at restaurants randomly and create chaos by speaking to other patrons, grabbing food from their table, putting it somewhere else, and taking over the place by playing the piano or singing. But it was quite the show, wasn’t it?
Xbox One Simmers now can edit Restaurant Staff Uniforms in Build Mode along with other Simmers.
Vampires
Vampire Spar no longer negatively affects Conflict resolution for Simmers with Parenthood.
Realm of Magic
Spellcasters with all spells learned and maxed out no longer lose those when downloaded from the Library/Gallery Muscle memory perhaps?
Create a Sim no longer has the less-than-attractive skin type that was intended only for cursed Sims as an option.
Spellcasters have reviewed the terms of their “Always Transportalate” Spell and now can actually teleport anywhere, even places with stairs.
Journey To Batuu
Sims now are able to complete First Order or Resistance missions and then choose the Hope vs Order - First Steps Aspiration and complete all goals.
The Lightsaber Collection plaque now has a proper name and description so you can display it with pride.
The First Order sent a memo stating to change the First Order Blast Door to not accept any decals or wall decorations.
Create a Sim assetyfBottom_GP09VillagerPatchVerticalnow goes better with different styles of shoes across multiple Packs.
The Career Panel now displays the active Mission chosen from the Mission Panel.
The game no longer freezes when Sims “Freshen up at the Dwelling” at Black Spire Outpost.
Luxury Party
Create a Sim assetyfBody_SP01SleevesFlutter_SolidBrownfits better when wearing Get to Work’symHair_EP01LongWavySwept_Platinumhairstyle.
Movie Hangout
Movie night has been reclaimed! Sims now can watch complete films from start to finish without getting stuck in a never-ending loop… or I should say not in a Neverending Story? STTOOooooryyyyyYYYY.
Knifty Knitting
Create a Sim bootscuShoes_SP17BootsBuckled_SolidRedPinwork better with jeanscfBottom_SP07JeansPrint_FloralBlueLt.
After losing my temper at breakfast last week, I'm hoping for minimal snide remarks about it this morning, and minimal is what I get. Just one line from Phil, who probably makes snide remarks in his sleep. When I walk in, he's talking to some old man I don't recognize, but Phil pauses the story he's telling, glances at me and says, "No politics or religion." He doesn't even snicker, and then he resumes whatever he was saying to whomever he was saying it to. I see Kirstin at the counter, but she's taking someone's order so I just wave. From where I'm standing and she's standing, Bouffant-Walker is behind her at a table, and he thinks I'm waving at him, so he waves back and shouts in his odd squeaky voice, "Hello, good to see you!" Kirstin nods at me, and I nod at Bouffant. The diner-nod is a thing. I'm looking around, deciding where I'll sit, when I notice a small sign at the corner of the counter, right in front of me, where The Fixture always sat. It's a piece of cardboard, folded in half to stand up, with two handwritten words I don't want to read but already have. "Remembering Frank," it says, and there's a picture of The Fixture. Next to the sign, there's a vase with some flowers. Kirstin comes by to pour more coffee for Phil and the old guy, and she says to me, "Frank is gone." She points at the wall behind his corner stool. On the wall, enlarged and laminated, is a copy of an article from the newspaper, and the headline is just his name. You never want the headline to be just your name. Someone's leaving the diner, so I step aside and let them pass, and linger at the wall, reading about Frank's life and times. Age 48. Married. Father of two. Born in Ames, Iowa. Graduated Ames High School, and married his high-school sweetheart. Worked as a sheet metal fabricator, and served in the National Guard Reserves. "He loved hiking, fishing, and his wife Charlotte, and his daughters Rebecca and Lucille." He died almost two weeks ago, after more than a month's hospitalization due to coronavirus. "Special thanks to the doctors and nurses at the ICU." I'm thinking, What a shitty way to go, and also Did I know Frank?, and honestly I didn't. I didn't even know his name was Frank, until after he stopped coming in and people started asking, "Where's Frank?" Never knew his last name until now, when it's on the wall. To me he was The Fixture — some guy on a stool eating breakfast, whenever I was also some guy on a stool eating breakfast at the diner. We ate together hundreds of times, but we'd barely mingled. "He was a good guy," says Kirstin. "Never heard an unkind word out of him. He sat on that stool three mornings a week for at least twenty years, and now he's gone." "I usually sat two stools away," says Phil, "and we always talked." Yeah, that's why I always sit at the other end of the counter. "He helped me move a few years back. Frank was my friend." Nobody says anything for too long, so I say, "He was a good guy," and only after saying it do I realize I'd said exactly what Kirstin had said. "Damned COVID," I add. "Damned 2020," said Kirstin. "Damned everything," said Phil. I am sincerely sorry that Frank dead, but I don't want to be standing at the counter for ten minutes reminiscing about a stranger, so I gently segue outtathere and toward my usual stool at the other end of the counter. "Good to see you," Bouffant says again, as I slide onto my stool not far from his table. "You know what?" I say, pausing, looking at him, maybe even smiling. "It's good to see you, too." Kirstin takes my order, and she's already poured me a cup of coffee. I've had coffee with cream and half a dozen refills every time she's ever seen me, so it's a fair assumption, but all things come to an end. "Sorry, I'm giving it up," I say. "Could I please have an orange juice instead?" "Sure, sweetie." Usually I'm sweetie, but of course, so is everyone else in the diner. "When did you find out about Frank?" I asked. "Almost a week ago, now," she says. "A customer saw the obituary in the paper, and brought it in." "He was always there, corner stool," I said. "We've had that seat reserved ever since," she says, and she means the cardboard sign and the flowers, where Frank's plate always was. "Losing a seat isn't a problem when we're limited to 1/4 occupancy. " "He was a good guy," I say again, because I can't think of anything better to say. "Yes, he was," says Kirstin. "And he always ordered two eggs over-easy, corned beef hash, white toast, coffee, and V8." ♦ ♦ ♦ I look around, and there are six customers besides me — Phil is at his normal seat, two stools from The Fixture's memorial. Near Phil, there's that old white guy with long gray hair under a dorky hat, and a tie-dye jacket quite similar to the one I'm wearing. Me and the old hippie make eye contact, and I give him the diner nod. At one of the tables up front, the Bible Bros are having bacon and eggs, and gee, I wonder what they'll be talking too loud about? Bouffant is at a table sorta-behind me, and Big Hat is at her ordinary table in the back, and he and she are talking across the room as they always do. Bouffant, of course, talks about as much whether he's talking to someone else or not. Phil and The Hippie are talking about football, and I'm surprised there's anything to talk about. The local team's last two games were cancelled because too many players had the coronavirus, and I didn't know they're playing a game tomorrow. The Hippie says, "That's as stupid as hell," and he's right, but as I get older more and more things strike me as stupid as hell. A couple of young men come in; one is black with a mustache, and the other is blonde but that's all I can say about him, because they're seated by the time I notice them, and I can only see the back of Blondie's head. At first they're talking about whether they should go to a movie or whether that's too dangerous, but they're seated between Bouffant and Big Hat, so that conversation fades away and soon all four of them are talking about Trump, about winter, about soccer. It's good seeing younger customers, and the diner needs more of them, because the old-timers — meaning, everyone else in the building — won't be buying too many more breakfasts. Kirstin brings my omelet, and I eat it and sip OJ instead of coffee, and sometimes read, and sometimes listen to the conversations. It's just another day at the diner, only it's not, because Frank isn't here. He hasn't been here for a while, but this morning he's really not here, you know? Give someone long enough, even someone you barely know, and he becomes part of the place. ♦ ♦ ♦ At the front table, two men are fingering their Bibles and discussing Psalm 25. The Bible Bros are regulars here, always discussing the Bible and debating it's meaning. Today, though, there's no debate; they seem to simply be reading the verses to each other, running their fingers over the pages and then reading the same chapter again. Out loud. By their third read-through I have the verses half-memorized whether I like it or not, and I do not. It ends with "Deliver Israel, O God, from all their troubles," and I guess the world is still waiting for an answer to that prayer. The obit mentioned that Frank was an elder at some Lutheran church, so maybe he'd appreciate having scriptures read this morning. I don't. Whenever the Bible Bros are here, everyone in the diner is at a Bible study, whether they like it or not. I don't. And now, having finished reading Psalm 25 twice, they're starting with the first verse again, but they're quieter than they've sometimes been in the past, and that's appreciated. ♦ ♦ ♦ On my way out, I pause at Frank's corner stool. Everyone who was present when I entered the diner has paid and left, and there are seven different customers now, but nobody's sitting at this part of the counter, and Kirstin is in the kitchen, so I'm talking to no-one when I say, "So long, Frank the Fixture." Frank is gone, but the diner goes on without him. Bacon is sizzling on the grill, Kirstin is kind and quick with the coffee whether I want it or not, and there's lively talk between the seven strangers I'm leaving behind. The conversations never end at the diner until they lock the doors. Eventually the conversations go on without me taking notes, but we all had a good breakfast while we were here.
I'm a grumpy old man who lives alone and has few friends — basically a hermit. Once a week I have breakfast at my favorite diner. Most weeks it's my only in-person interaction with other humans, which is not my strong suit. Yeah, I'm aware of the coronavirus, so I go to the diner at dawn, before it gets busy. I wash my hands before and after, cough into my elbow, spray Lysol on my food, pay at my plate, tell the waitress to keep the change, and hold my breath while leaving until I'm outside. It's a little more dangerous than staying at home, but life would suck without breakfast at the diner, so get off my lawn. And remember, decent people leave a generous tip.
Here are some questions asked about South Africa that I have found on various websites, that have been answered by various people. There are duplicate questions, with varying answers (copy/paste job). Enjoy! Q: Where is South Africa? A: Could it be any more self-explanatory? South (at the bottom)… of… Africa. Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA)A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get there, and we’ll send the rest of the directions. Q: Are there white people in South Africa? A: South Africa isn’t the Rainbow Nation for nothing! Every time we stand under a rainbow we get a little more colourful. Q: Are there white people in South Africa? A: 8.9% of South Africa’s population is made up of white people. Need I say more? Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? ( UK ) A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first. Q: Do you have electricity? A: No. We managed to successfully host World Cup soccer, cricket, and rugby tournaments using only the power of moonbeams. Q: Do you have electricity? A: It depends on how well Eskom is being managed at the time... Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking. Q: Are there wild animals running around the streets? A: Only a South African will understand this image. To answer the question – no, we do not have wild animals roaming around in the streets. Goats and cattle, on the other hand, are just as much residents as we are. Q: Are there wild animals running around the streets? A: 99% of the time, no. But we delight in the odd radio report of a rhino loose on the highway, because we know that somewhere out there a tourist thinks this is daily routine. Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town – can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it’s only two thousand kilometres. Take lots of water. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa? (Sweden) A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffrey’s Bay? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of? Q: Do you have ATM’s in South Africa? A: If we didn’t have ATM’s, where would we draw money to pay our astronomical electricity accounts before the 7th of every month? Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa? (USA) A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not… oh forget it Sure; the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked. Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is.. oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked. Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France) A: No, WE don’t stink. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa? (USA) A: Anywhere, significant numbers of Americans gather. Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa? (France) A: Only at Christmas. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas? A: Only once a year. Black Santa rides his springboks from the South Pole to drop survival kits under our thorn trees. Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany) A: Not yet, but for you, we’ll import them. Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA) A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. Q: Do you have a pet lion? A: Unless you’re ‘lion whisperer’, Kevin Richardson, there’s probably no need to have a lion as a pet. Most locals are fine with a sausage dog, ginger cat or a cockatoo named Stew. Q: Do you have a pet lion? A: We LOVE convincing you that we do, but being dismembered isn’t our idea of fun. Q: Do you know my friend in Kenya? A: There are 47 countries on the African continent. Kenya is 3745.52 km from South Africa, so chances are, I don’t know your friend in Kenya and probably never will. Q: Do you know my friend in Kenya? A: Do you know my friend in Suriname? Q: Do you hunt for food? A: There’s nothing a South African enjoys more than a piece of biltong. While some locals hunt for food, others have no problem supporting their town’s supermarket- and YES, we do have supermarkets! Q: Do you hunt for food? A: We invented the Hunger Games. Q: Do you speak African? A: I am fluent in all 3,000 African languages. Which one are you referring to exactly? ‘African’ is not a language, despite most of the world’s population thinking it is. South Africa has 11 official languages and ‘African’ certainly isn’t one of them. Q: Do you live in a hut? A: One word – Nkandla; proof that even though some of us might live in huts, they’re usually worth R247 million. Q: Do you live in a hut? A: Yes we do. But we prefer to call them duplexes, simplexes, complexes, apartments, flats, mansions, estates, properties, or even just houses. Q: Does South Africa have real cities? A: Uhm, no! You don’t get more real than Cape Town , Durban and Johannesburg?! #shocked Q: Is there more to South Africa than AIDS? A: To that I say: Springbok rugby, Soccer World Cup 2010, warm weather, awesome food, Table Mountain, Cape Point, Chapman’s Peak, Drakensberg Mountains, Robben Island, the Cradle of Humankind, Apartheid Museum, Constitution Hill, Cango Caves, Boulders Beach, Moses Mabhida Stadium, the Big Hole, Kruger National Park, God’s Window and Nelson Mandela. Q: What is the quickest way to get to a hospital in South Africa? (USA) A: Just walk up to any stranger and say out loud: Jou ma se p**s! *tips hat* Based on this And this And this too Adding this now...
Testing testing; check one two – DWT is live once again on Reddit! Terrific, terrific stuff Alas – promotion has remained minimal; but after last weeks hooplah - there's finally a sense, that a real actual reason to go balls out on promotion, may no be too fucking far away at all now. Terrific terrific stuff 😎. Still plenty of heads will have been shaken in knowing acknowledgement (fucked it again - useless old cunt); but I learned a wee whiley ago, to no concern myself too much with the reaction to an individual failure. Often the finer details are skimmed over, in exchange for a damning indictment. Its more fun for the casual user - either read these over-long historic entries here in the DWT Reddit Era Archives, or just deem it a laughable piece of shite. With the latter representing the sentiment of many, many comments I've received - I'm under no illusions...three options in the interim. Place sensible careful bets, to heighten the chance of victory at much reduced odds - Answer: Fuck off. Make it so the banter surrounding the wagers, outclasses the quality of the wager to such a degree, it becomes the actual reason the overwhelming majority of cunts frequent this fine establishment - Answer: Already evident. Make it so the wagers are well poised, on paper nicely crafted, yet also intriguing and alluring in abundance - Answer: Already evident. Fuck you for asking. So when you think of it that way - its not really a case of, 'Come on now - the changes required are obvious as fuck, you stupid, delicious smelling, old prick'. For me, the snakey path DWT has been on, will be a blur to many - but for sure there's a smorgasbord of heroes who have that specific DWT memory they can turn to and gloss over. The very fibre of what this is all about - I've said it often enough. That's become the substance of each reaction...being aware of the cold hard facts - knowing when to inject a sense of encouraging razmatazz. It's no exactly clear when razzmatazz isnae evident tbf haha - but to clarify; we're talking purely from the perspective of onlookers. So moved they are by the words or the wager or both, they feel moved to introvertedly engage (with a wee like or upvote or passing of a point-boosting icon or some such), or even by golly extrovertedly engaged (a comment or a PM or a request for a lock of hair). Now there's steam behind the withered sails again, you'll find me doing this a lot ^ - spouting away about the ethos of DWT; the fibre etc. I've forever and a half had the desire to scribe a wee book of some type there; but through a combo of lack of direction, inspiration and dedication - a fucking million miles away it remains haha - ah no. One thing that is forming itself into a wee page-turner is DWT itself. I've mused about this over the months we've done this and it makes me laugh sometimes - 'Look at you, you ridiculous, pompous, semi-illiterate disaster - who the fuck would read that? Away and clean your sheets you disgusting bastard'. But here - its free to publish a wee ebook or whatever. I'm no too fussed about the recognition - well aware I am, that perhaps Richard and Judy would forego inclusion in their bookclub - but just to have that piece of creation in existence...off the page. I get that it does already exist here on the hallowed pages of Reddit; but as a traditional older hero - my eyes are always turned at the potential for reading my own words in a purpose made, for retail piece of literature. A wee flag planted in the planet for a lucky few to stumble across and spend time with. I'm no going to lie - the journey the mind has been on for the last 11 months, has properly opened my eyes to the potential curvyballs life can toss at you. We're already a blueprint for a set of textbooks that'll be taught to young uns of the future. 'And they wore a mask like this, and had to stay this far away - how far again? Gary? No Gary (for the love of fuck) - its 2m'. Comparative with the terrors of the great wars in terms of impact, it obviously no quite as drop to knees-type horrificness - but impactful nonetheless. In a global sense, the world has done not too shabby at avoiding chaos in a global sense (World War III) - but that's the worry...WW3 would surely be swift and completely devastating based on what types of ridiculous stuff cunts own and keep up their sleeve. 'It'll wipe out the whole world.' Smug stupid cunt with a big smile on his face - what's the point of it if it takes you and all you're friends as well you silly bastard? You cannae deal with that type of reasoning - and when you have that type of interaction commonplace, its a difficult thought to handle, acknowledging the enormity of the journey to resolution. Not least of which knowing there'll likely have to be serious discussion afforded, on the subject of you yourself having to sacrifice ideals. Whenever you hear that from someones lips - an uttering that drips of selfishness - immediately there's a shit ton of work and time you can attribute to the journey you're about to go on. So much in fact, it becomes a real turn-off even contemplating having to frequent locations with said arguer, in an endeavour to erradicate his desire to enforce nonsense. Lets go hassle some reasonable folks with this laughable shite. The risk then exists the prick will run with the thought after the dust settles, thus creating an actual reason to stop him in his tracks (i.e. if this one thing happens - he gets the keys to a something or other). You could seen it starting to manifest itself, but left it until necessity of the more urgent was required. The world has nurtured the invisible line this kind of mantra bobs alone at - gently pushing it further and further towards that soft cosy place, where laughter fills the air and soft warmth is apparent. Sounds terrific to many - but its not the essence of what gets the goosebumps prickling for others. There's of course no harm in that; but that fact existing - theres no harm in it - that's a fair journey from me thinking that to the global population gasping in reaction to being told of this in the distant future. 'This handsome man thought what???? Hoo mama'. No doubt in my mind that'll be a popular catchphrase in the distant future. For those keeping track - you'll be well aware by now, my fondness for the events of last Satday...elusive the jackpot remains - but the ingredients we were slipping into the mixing bowl was quite frankly, off the fucking page. One wee fucking goal from Well and we would have been skipping down the streets singing the DWT song in celebration. Not to be - but that disappointment was tethered with a beautiful double - one that lasted until the very end btw and is officially a winner. Didnae quite tip us back over the 200 mark, but got us sniffing it by golly - hoo mama. A tenner and pocket change away from that marker. Glancing from a higher elavation, so as to get a fuller potential picture - we see a kitty that holds two hundred and twenty seven bangers (and a smidge) in it. Thats red clearing capital right there. No getting carried away - but I've a really good feeling about this one 😎 So to wrap up - we've worked until late, in order to fill the plate - so now we wait, leaving hope in the hands of fate. Reddit Running Total (RRT) currently sits at -£210.85. Ah no. I’m not promoting it in the slightest to be put on; it's purely to be completely transparent about where the beans I'm spilling are being pushed towards – this is after all, a Life Experiment: Can a useless old arsehole prosper under strict weekly gambling conditions? Word of warning; prior to this – not really.
The sticky clarifies - but just to reiterate - here's the format...DRS20 is Dads Recommended Spend: £20. This is a lot of money granted - and I would encourage absolute apprehension if this sort of money represents life altering for you personally if zero is returned. I’m lucky enough to be able to afford to lose £20 in a week; but confess that if I got no return for say, 20 weeks in a row - I would likely be without something I value (a streaming service or summat). I don’t take it lightly. Four bets are placed with this outlay; a £5 Treble (DWT) and three £5 Doubles. Generally if two come up, the bet is covered (up or down £2 or so). My gambling prowess is pretty much a joke; so whilst I advertise, I in no way qualify them as a given. I’m a prick with plenty bollocks to spout is all. This is how I frame it.
So here it is - the one that acknowledges the presence of xmas around the corner and translates that fuel into a strong desire to prosper for one and all: Its DWT27 https://i.redd.it/1kfqh52bax161.gif
23.84/1 we get for this selection – terrific. Over 29's last week; over 23's this week - a wee dip again, but no much again. the final swing pre-December. Whilst Black Friday was yesterday; there is pish aplenty to purchase yet still on the usual websites - one hundred and a smidge bangers would be the very dab when it comes to grabbing a coffee grinder or whatever shite. If I were yous though; I'd maybe resist the temptation of buying finite sources of mirth and instead slip the gain into a wee savings account. The road to success is paved by sensible dullards 😎 ST JOHNSTONE are the selection perhaps controversially included after the same game was on last week in which we backed travellers motherwell and now we back them and they're the ones on the road this week; thats the live gut-feeling action you get here on DWT. The last minute shitstorm caused by the withdrawal of Campbell and Maguire for motherwell there pre-last weeks game had me fearing the worst...the quick start cancelled quickly; the buggers were pummelled by the hungry Stevie May-lead Sainties. A draw a terrific result given the statistics. Missing again the pair of them for this encounter; there's a sense of unfinished business for Sainties. A solid cunt of a price for a ship with wind in her sails. BIRMINGHAM CITY have been up and down over the last couple months; waves of form - pairs of defeats tarnishing an otherwise solid program thus far. A manager at the helm with a terrific(ish) pedigree; this will be just the sort of game to kick start things after a couple of steadying draws. Its common knowledge millwall are pish outside London (probably - most of them are tbf). Terrific price again - there's a proper gift-esque scent in the air. SHEFFIELD WEDNESDAY still to return a first win under Anthony Pulis, return to Hillsborough in hope of properly getting some energy flowing and making up for the lost ground handicapping them. The arriver of Pulis is a strong indicator of their intent. No joke are stoke sure; but the ingredients have candles colour coded to the Owls this week. Thats that. In the fucking satchel 😎 So there we have it – nostalgia, hope and determination all apparent in equal measure. This time we do it right; wind in the sails – and off across the ocean in search of new worlds. A powerful pirate ship hunting high and low for treasures. Raise the fucking flag - the good ship DWT is back and ready to provide for its crew. If you play; play safe. DRS20 as always people. Frustration at the amount won, is better than the heartache at the amount lost. https://preview.redd.it/x1yxuwxdax161.jpg?width=630&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=62c1b4331d1090c1e4b22eb56d5aefa3451d4bd3
Byakuya, who was in front (long legs make for fast runners, after all), threw open the gymnasium doors, and the group raced inside. They screeched to a halt in an attempt to avoid crashing into their classmates. Monokuma, the aforementioned teddy bear, was up on his podium, as was typical for these meetings. He looked to be a little bored, but as soon as he noticed his students come running in, he jumped back to life. “So, I see you’ve met one of your new classmates, huh?” Monokuma gestured towards Khara, who was too fear-stricken to reply. A living teddy bear? How can this be…? “Yeah. Yeah, we have.” Mondo responded, not at all attempting to hide his annoyance. Byakuya added, “Care to explain what’s going on here, Monokuma?” Monokuma laughed, a sound that brought a twinge of fear to all that heard it. “Sure, I guess I’ll humor ya’. So basically, there were a couple of kids who were a little late to the killing game.” Khara fearfully exclaimed, “The WHAT?!” The short bear said with an unsettling note of anger in his voice, “None of you TOLD HER? Did you tell ANY of the new kids what’s going on?!” Nothing but tense silence was their reply. Still agitated, he continued, “I see… It was very disrespectful of you to leave me with all the work of explaining everything, but I can’t punish you for what you didn’t know to begin with. Oh, well. I guess some things can’t be helped. “Either way, I’m glad you all showed up.” He scanned the crowd, and noticed that his statement was incorrect. “Actually, I don’t think you’re all here…” Sakura strolled in through the door, very nonchalantly. From the calm look on her face, and casual demeanor, one would almost not notice the fact that she was carrying an unconscious person- the blue-haired neko boy from earlier. “Now we’re all here. Am I correct?” she said calmly. Monokuma jumped up, and exclaimed with a startlingly jovial tone to his voice, “Yes! Now, the fun part can REALLY begin! All you new kids on the block, come on up! Get in a straight line, on either side of the podium. Let your classmates get a good long look at ya’!” The new kids, who had been standing among the crowd, followed Monokuma’s directions without a word. Khara joined them, and the only one who didn’t join the lineup was the neko, who still laid unmoving in Sakura’s arms. Khara took the farthest place to the left. She had long fluffy hair that stuck out at numerous angles, and that went all the way down to her calves. Her hair was very oddly colored- it was pitch black at the roots and very ends, but faded gradually to white in the middle. The underside was a dark purple, as were the tips of a small section of her bangs. Curiously enough, she also had dark gray eyebrows that were currently raised in a mixture of fear and confusion. Her eyes were light blue with violet pupils, and there was an X shape under her right eye. It appeared to be drawn in thick eyeliner. Her shirt was a long-sleeved one, but she’d rolled the sleeves up. She had a skirt that stopped just above her knees, and a pair of striped socks that went just below them. She looked over at the kids next to her. The one closest to her was the one who caught her attention first. She had dark brown hair, fairly dark skin to match, and long bangs that were swept over to one side. She wore a headdress that looked virtually identical to the ones worn by Egyptian priestesses, and had a silk white and gold robe. An aura of regality seemed to radiate from her, and Khara found herself being captivated in her appearance- she was almost ethereal. And she seemed to know it, too, judging by how she held her head high, and how she seemed to be looking down at the others. Looking past her, Khara noticed a much shorter person than either of them. Their gender was ambiguous, and Khara couldn’t help but notice how determined they looked. They had short wavy gray hair, a very baggy hoodie, and black basketball shorts. They had their hands at their hips, and their mint green eyes were directed forward in a very willful manner. Their face was dotted with freckles, as were their legs, arms, and the backs of their hands. Looking past them, on the closest left to Monokuma’s podium, a lean boy could be seen. He had bright red hair that flowed past his shoulders and down his back. His light blue eyes darted over and made direct contact with Khara, who smiled awkwardly and turned her head back forward. But as soon as she felt that his eyes were not on her, she looked back at him. He had on a simple black denim jacket and blue, ripped up jeans. He too seemed extremely confident in himself, a trait that most of the individuals she’d encountered thus far seemed to share. The next person over seemed to be less confident and more hyper. She was fidgeting with her hands, looking around like a paranoid maniac, and blushing profusely. She had light green eyes, pale purple hair, and a small white bandage over her nose. She had on a simple white dress shirt and a short, dark blue skirt. Khara noticed that a :3 emoticon had been inked onto the back of her left hand in what could only be Sharpie. Next to her, there was a girl with brown, fluffy hair that went all the way down to her mid-back. Her eyes were amber, and Khara made note of her long eyelashes. She had a pale red jacket, a dark red undershirt, and a long blue skirt. She had her arms crossed, and appeared to be examining her other classmates just as Khara was doing. Their eyes locked for a moment, and Khara waved awkwardly. The girl grinned and waved in return, and then went back to looking at her other classmates. Khara did the same. The farthest kid to the right was certainly the least determined of all. He had dark blue hair with a few white streaks, a plain black hoodie, and regular jeans. His eyes were obscured from view by dark sunglasses with triangular lenses. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, his posture was absolutely horrendous, and there was a light streak that ran underneath each of his eyes and down his cheeks. It looked natural, and not drawn on- it was like nothing Khara had ever seen before. Monokuma interrupted Khara’s internal monologue with his cheery voice. “So, you’ve seen ‘em! Now, let’s HEAR 'em! Going from left to right, I want to hear three things from each of you new kids- your name, your ultimate, and one fun fact about yourself! Okay, you over there, with the punk-rocker-looking hair, step on up! Don’t be shy!” Monokuma jumped off the podium and joined his crowd of students. Khara walked up to the podium. She couldn’t help but notice everybody staring at her. Although she was sure they didn’t mean to, all those eyes on her still managed to make her feel extremely embarrassed. She cleared her throat, and spoke up. “Hi, everyone! I’m Khara Ohara, and I’m the Ultimate Hotel Caretaker! I actually live in the main hotel that I take care of, which is the Veni Vidi Amavi Resort- it’s in France!” After she said that, she noticed two particular people in the crowd perk up. One was a girl with long black hair, red eyes, and the most intricate lolita dress she’d ever seen. The other was the tall boy with the deadpan voice and short temper from earlier. She looked back at the other new kids. The girl that she’d made eye contact and waved at earlier gave her an encouraging thumbs-up. Khara returned to her place in line, and the Egyptian priestess girl next to her walked up and took her place. She had a commanding voice, and she certainly seemed to be a leader type. However, she hesitated before speaking, indicating that she had a slight shy side to her. “Greetings. My name is Nawa Farida. I am the Ultimate Kemetic Priestess- for you ignorant morons out there, that’s “fancy talk” for the Egyptian faith. I am the leader of one of the last true Kemetic sects in the world. That will be it for me. May Ra bless you all.” Nawa stepped back from the podium and walked back to her place in the lineup. She looked over at Khara, and nodded in a silent acknowledgement. Khara nervously grinned at her, and Nawa narrowed her eyes, looked over her, then turned back forward again. Nawa then looked over the crowd of students. She noticed that one individual with brown hair that quite literally stuck up at all angles, a black jacket, and a yellow undershirt was glancing in her direction, and grinning ever so slightly. She returned this smile with her fiercest scowl, then looked away. He wouldn’t look all too out of place in a homeless shelter, she thought to herself. She then realized how terrible of a thought that was- the gods valued kindness more than anything, and she’d betrayed them with a negative mindset. She’d have to pay her debt in some way. She saw her chance when the short, gender-ambiguous person hesitated on their way up. Their confidence faltered for a mere moment, and Nawa took her chance to redeem herself by smiling at them kindly. They smiled back, and she could practically see their confidence returning. A debt well repaid… The newly-confident individual took their place at the podium. Their voice was just as androgynous as their appearance. “Hi! I’m Anri Masumutu! I’m the Ultimate LGBT Activist! Huh, one fun fact about me… Well, I’m agender- which means I don’t identify as any gender- and I use they/them pronouns! I know that fact isn’t super fun, I just thought now would be as good of a time as any to tell you!” They smiled at the crowd, but got no reaction in return. Anri then went back to standing in the line. They still had a bit of a grin on their face- I introduced myself, and even told everyone my pronouns, and nobody made fun of me! That’s kinda abnormal, but I’m definitely not complaining. They looked to their right, and noticed the tall boy. They had to actually look up in order to meet his eyes. They whispered to him, “Hey. How’d I do?” The boy replied, in a similar hushed tone, “Ya’ did great!” and smiled. He then strolled up to the podium nonchalantly. His voice was loud, clear, and he didn’t even hesitate before speaking. “Hey, everybody! I’m Akashi Dai- the Ultimate Sports Commentator! I’ve narrated all kinds of stuff, from baseball to football to soccer! Hell, I even did a robot fight once! So if ya’ even need someone to give a running commentary on pretty much anything, I’m your guy! I could even make drying paint interesting!” Monokuma butted in, “Okay, Mister Hotshot! We get it, WE GET IT! NEXT!” Hearing this, Akashi flinched, and meekly stepped back from the podium. He turned to Anri and whispered, “What about me? How’d I do?” Anri replied, “You’re good at that public speaking thing!” Akashi grinned. “Thanks! You’re not half bad yourself!” “Thanks!” Akashi then glanced at the girl who was standing next to him. She was shorter than him, but taller than Anri. She returned his glance, then walked up to the podium eagerly and took a deep breath before speaking. Her voice was very high-pitched, and had an energetic undertone to it. “Hi, guys! I’m Emma Uzumaki! I’m the Ultimate Anime Fan- but you can call me the Ultimate Weeaboo! I’ve watched over 400 anime series throughout my life, and I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon! That’s all, folks!” She curtsied dramatically and skipped back to her place in line. From within the crowd, Hifumi Yamada, the Ultimate Fanfic Creator, had been watching the whole thing. When he heard Emma’s ultimate, his heart just about skipped a beat. Someone who’s just as into it as me? I simply must be dreaming… or just hallucinating again. Emma didn’t notice Hifumi’s wide, entranced eyes, nor the blush that had crept onto his cheeks, nor the grin that had overtaken him before he even realized it. Instead, she was listening to the girl next to her address her new classmates. “My name is Judiso Yashiko! I’m the Ultimate Critiquer! I’m famous all over the internet for my foolproof advice- on art, writing, and voice acting especially, but I can help out on pretty much anything that I know enough about!” She smiled and went back to the line. Next to her, the tall boy with the sunglasses took her place without a word. He trudged up to the podium slowly, and his voice was quiet and shaky. “Uh… hi. My n-name is Dasuke Ra-Raizo. I’m the- the, uhh. Ultimate Game Physicist. I’ve done w-work on a lot of popular games, an-and I’ve won a couple- couple, um, awards. I’m not g-good at public speaking. S-sorry.” The moment he returned to his place in the lineup, Monokuma spoke. “Alright, now that we’ve got all of you here, let’s clarify some stuff first. For one thing, you’re stuck in here permanently. The only way outta here is if you kill someone without getting found out. If you do kill someone, but your classmates manage to find out who did it, you’re done for. “However, if you trick them all and they pin it on someone else, you get to leave! But- and this is a very big but, mind you- your freedom comes at the cost of everyone else’s lives! You’ll get off scot-free, sure, but everyone else gets punished! And by punished, I mean executed! And by executed, I mean murdered! And by murdered, I mean- eh, forget it. “You guys get the gist. And sorry, but if you have any questions, you gotta direct them to your classmates. It makes it a lot more fun to watch! Friendly reminder to the kids who’ve been around here for a while now- you’re totally welcome to lie to them! After all, there’s nothing saying you can’t have a little fun messing with each other’s heads in the official handbook! So go on! I’ll leave you guys alone for now, and let you get more comfy with each other. After all, it’s been about a month, and nobody’s killed anyone yet- tragically- so you might end up spending a lot of time with each other!” With that, Monokuma jumped, and seemed to have popped out of existence, leaving the students baffled. The kids were still lined up on either side of the podium, and their expressions were mostly a mix of abject terror and confusion. “What did he just tell us?”, a very shaken Khara asked, to nobody in particular. Nawa looked at her disapprovingly. “You heard him perfectly well, Khara. We have to kill each other in order to make it out.” Anri cried out in reply, “We can’t do that! It- it- it’s IMMORAL!” Dasuke, who was staring at the ground with his head hung in dejection, managed to murmur out, “Who cares if it’s immoral… sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do to survive.” Emma exclaimed, “But we don’t want to survive! We want to LIVE!” Dasuke replied, “What’s the difference? We’re all born, we all suffer, and we all die. Then depending how you look at it, we either fade into a permanent black nothingness or burn in hell for all eternity.” “Geez, that’s depressing.” “Sorry, but it’s life. We lead a meaningless existence. We were born to suffer, and it’s time you delusional optimists wrapped your dopamine-riddled brains around it.” It was Akashi’s turn to call out Dasuke’s pessimistic logic. “Uhh, you just contradicted yourself. Which is it- are our lives meaningless, or is suffering the meaning of life?” Khara interjected, “It doesn’t matter. Either way, we’re NOT going to kill each other. That’s FINAL!” On her last sentence, she raised her fist up in a triumphant manner. She was filled with hope. She then noticed something- the kids that had already been in the school when she first arrived were all now staring at her with blank expressions. The silence was almost deafening; she had to say something. “Well, let’s forget about that debate for now, let’s just talk to our new classmates. Sound good?” Nearly everybody said yes- their enthusiasm drowned out Dasuke’s faint “no”. “Good. Then let’s socialize!”
PROLOGUE I know i promised in Day 1 Week 1 to post some short stories and cap it with one big story of epic proportions. But ever since i said that, i couldnt get the “big one” out of my mind. giggity Maybe its because of how much of it was “could you believe this shit?” material. Its a story thats still going on and has been for 2 years now. Advance warning: if you somehow dont agree with me as a person, or my story, try to voice your disagreement in a civil manner. If you can’t, just stick to PMs or keep it to yourself. Dont blast it in the comments section. This is a nice community. No TLDRs, if you have the time to be on Reddit, you have the time to read this. Zero apologies for grammar or spelling mistakes either. Heard you can keep them and combine them with spelling/grammar mistakes from other posts, and eventually you can have a ball of grammar and spelling mistakes that you can keep as a pet and will keep you warm at night. BACKGROUND I am a mixed race woman: half white, half mixed asian, (redacted) years old. I am also what hard core old schoolers would call, a sinner. Yeah. Been living in sin with a partner i married in Las Vegas, USA some years ago. If that doesnt make your standard issue hypocrite cringe, we are also both active duty members of our country’s military. I work in a combat arms unit, and she drives a fighter plane for a living. Yeah, so just your basic, standard issue “baby killing lezzies”. Actual words thrown at us before. PART 1 Once we got our permanent duty assignment, we decided to buy a property together. We bought into this nice semi gated community close to the base thats populated by about 95% active duty or retired military. We were welcomed warmly into the community, except for our immediate neighbour to the left. We’ll call them Kevin and Karen. (Very original). They were about 50 years of age, have 2 kids away in university and 1 kid who flunked his ABC’s living with them in his late 20’s. Kevin is active duty as an Air Force officer. I believe he’s a tech of some sort. Aren’t all Air Force dudes a tech of some kind? And Karen is a “professional influencer” who deals in MLM, fitness and travel stuff. The fact that they have problems with us as their neighbours was evident from the beginning. Here’s the indicators of no particular order: -our realtor and HOA organized a welcome party for us at the country club with welcome gifts and cards. The card is massive with welcome messages from everyone. Kevin and Karen just signed theirs with: “Welcome! Kevin and Karen”. They were also notably absent, with everyone else who was absent having a valid excuse. -within our first month of living in our new home, we were immediately bombarded with complaints from the HOA. Since our immediate neighbours were: Kevin and Karen to the south, an empty lot to the north, a small wooded area behind our houses, and people across the street we quickly became friends with, its obvious to see where the complaints were coming from. We were told were exposing the kids in the neighbourhood to indecency and even nudity. (This is about me and the partner going for runs in the weekend. Our standard running attire is pretty normal, sports bra covered by a tank top, and shorts or yoga pants. We took this one pretty hard since even facing accusations of child molestation/exposure is a serious career ender). We were told we were clogging up the streets with illegally parked cars. (Its about that one time i quickly drove home to grab the lunch i forgot, and i was in a rush to park properly, in front of my own property). We were told we were neglecting our part in maintaining our home, driving down property values in our neighbourhood. (This one i have no idea). We were told that we were stinking up the neighbourhood with bad smells. (That one time i went outside to use the grill and cook a smoked fish i picked up from an Asian store.) We were told we play our music too loud and its bothering people. (Okay, ill give this a shot that we may be at fault for this one because of a couple of times where we hosted a weekend party). Its all a lot of small stuff too much to mention, but its obvious that someone has a problem with us. -They also filed a separate report for “indecent exposure” with the cops. Source of the complaint? Milena and I were having some fun, healthy grown up times that probably went a bit too loud at some point, and i ran into the kitchen to grab a glass of water while still in my birthday suit. That brief 10 second period where i happened to be in view through the open kitchen windows, AT 1 IN THE MORNING, is apparently enough to line us up right there with sex offenders. I did a bit more analysis over this after the cops left. If were considering that our walls are paper thin, which it isnt. I’ve had times where Milena is playing Warzone at full volume in the den and you couldn’t hear anything from two rooms over, let alone from outside the house. But lets say that maybe we were actually that loud. My kitchen window at the time only had one window that was open and uncovered. This is a window that faces K&K’s house. Between their fencing and fruit trees, the only way you could see into my kitchen from that window is if you’re viewing it from a second story vantage point. The second story of their house has NO windows facing any of my kitchen windows. ZERO. So that means that one, or both of them, by some miraculous reason, heard and got awakened by the fun times going on, stepped out of their house and somehow peeked into our house either through or over their fence. I GAVE THEM A SHOW AND INSTEAD OF TIPPING ME, THEY CALLED THE COPS AND GAVE ME THE WHOLE SHAFT! Motherfuckers. And finally, the dog. I have a 7 year old Husky-Lab mix. He has been fully trained by an actual professional school to be a therapy dog. He is trained not to bark under any circumstances except for the emergencies he is trained to respond to (fire, me or my partner being rendered unconscious). So its a surprise when the complaints against us started to include my dog and his “excessive barking”. And then it escalated to his “unattended droppings”. And then how he looks like a “threatening breed”. Keep in mind that this dog and his breed has been cleared by our HOA. And even if they didnt, they can go kick rocks since he’s a registered therapy dog used for a legit medical reason. We willingly offerred the HOA to submit to them all copies of our outside camera’s feeds for a month to see if there’s a pattern of un neighbourly conduct we might be doing and not aware of. The HOA is pretty happy with our proposed solution and took us up on our offer. We didnt change anything with our lifestyle and after a month, they were happy with what they saw and concluded the complaints against us are baseless. This is also when the person from HOA let slip that ALL the complaints came from ONE residence where their owners are known for being “squeaky wheels, that need a lot of greasing to keep happy”. Well, someone has a grudge against us and we dont know what we did wrong against them. It eventually escalated with the culprits outing themselves. CONFLICT 1 This all came to a head sometime in April 2019 when I was mowing our backyard and doing some spring house maintenance. I looked across the fence and noticed that ALL of K&K’s backyard camera’s were pointed at OUR yard. I thought it was odd so i asked Kevin about that when he stepped outside to have a cigarette. I was immediately met with shouting and curses. “Its my cameras! Ill point it wherever i want! And right now, i want evidence that you’re intentionally luring wildlife destroying my yard! And put some fucking clothes on!” I was puzzled about that and asked him what he meant. He kept shouting and through his raving, i came to the conclusion that he had a problem with my birdfeeder. Now, i cleared this bird feeder with the HOA. They approved this. This feeder was built in a way, that ONLY birds can access it. Squirrels maybe, but we dont have any of those in our area. There’s not a lot of wildlife populating that small wooded area behind us. So there’s no way that something big enough will be attracted and have access to my bird feeder and destroy anyone’s property. Its not like we live in a place where wildlife - human interaction is a problem. Besides, what property was he talking about being destroyed by this non existent wild animals? He has a rock garden and a couple of fruit trees in his completely fenced up yard. He ended his rant with the threat that if he sees any one single animal in his yard that was there because of my feeder, he’ll come over to my house, destroy my feeder, and destroy anything else he wants just to see how i like it. Or if he sees my dog anywhere near his property, he will call Animal Control to take him away, and if my dog continues to be a “threat” to him, he’ll shoot him regardless of whether AC is on the way or not. After over a month of this irritation + this confrontation with him, i decided that i wont be a prisoner in my own home anymore because of the whims of one man. I sent my own complaints to the HOA telling them about this interaction that ended with a threat to my safety and my property, and the improper behaviour of my neighbour. I was told that if it qualifies as an HOA issue, they cant mediate in “he said-she said” scenarios without proper evidence or witnesses. But, since it sounds more like a safety and well being issue, it sounds more like something the police should be involved in. But they wouldn’t be able to do anything except file a first complaint unless something physically happens/happened to us. Well, isnt that just amazing? For the following months, my hands were tied and there’s nothing i can do but file a complaint or file a response to a complaint filed against me at the HOA. Even the HOA people, who thrive on drama like this, were getting tired of it. I got to make friends with a lot of my neighbours during these months, attending community events, and got the picture that K&K were bullies. Theyve always managed to strong arm people, and they seem to pick on people who are just “different”. Either people of colour, different beliefs, someone they think is inferior to Kevin’s status as an AF officer, or, i dont know, maybe someone they just dont like. One of those guys i had the chance to chat with told me (paraphrasing): “Look. I dont know why is it that K&K like to pick on people who are obviously different when they’re obviously different themselves. Maybe, they like being big fish in a small pond? But, look at it this way, if i like to target “different” people because of the way they are, then you and Milena (my partner’s middle name) are obviously going to be the crown jewels in my collection. You both are uniform wearing, card carrying open and unashamed lesbians, and in your case, a person of quite a petite stature who is also of mixed ethnicity. If i attended a KKK sponsored bingo night in Alabama, your guys’ description would give me a blackout win. You’re with (my unit) right? You’re giving them a bad reputation by eating this guys’ incoming more than you have to. I think its time for you return fire and destroy this POG.” PAYBACK 1 I was still at a loss as to how to process this message and then something clicked. Its already approaching Christmas and the active/retired gunfighters in my neigbourhood likes to host a “King of the Cage” charity fight. This is a big deal for our neighbourhood and our base, with caterers being hired by the HOA and medics volunteering for this fight being excempted from all duties by their chain. This is how it goes: MMA fight rules and equipment + King of the Hill rules. No weight classes, MMA rules + referees, and you have to sign a waiver. King of the Hill rules is you have to win 2 out of 3 fights to advance to the next heat, until the semi finals when 1 loss will get you out of the running regardless. You go from one fight to the next and the only time you get to rest is if you get to the semi finals. This is organized by my neighbourhood’s HOA, but has gotten so popular over the years and spilled into the base personnel because of the sheer amount of officers and active duty personnel living here. Everyone pays a fee to get their name in the fight, the pot is matched pound for pound by the HOA fund and (unofficial) senior NCO and officer’s fund, 25% of the proceeds goes to the winner, and the remaining goes to whichever charity is being hosted at the time. Everyone who is active duty both in the neighbourhood and people working at the base is “encouraged” to sign up. Heavy emphasis on the “encouragement” for both occifers and senior personnel. You better have a good reason for declining to fight since this is the one time where troops have a good chance of punching you in the face with no repercussions. And punching someone more senior than you in the face is always good for morale, and gives troops the impression that their leaders are still grounded and human like they are. Partner and I sign up once they announced they are now taking names. Both my partner and i have good backgrounds when it comes to fighting and martial arts (in the ring and real life). Milena regularly does boxing drills as part of physical training, and has been fighting in karate and tae-kwon-do tournaments since grade school. Im the more proficient one when it comes fighting. Some people metaphorically give their kid at birth soccer balls, or a basketball, or whatever it is that they want to impart to their kids as a lifelong skill. Im only exaggerating when i swear that my dad gave me emei daggers when i was born. I have a strong background and training in muay thai, krav maga, bjj, kali/eskrima, and wushu (specialized in sword and dagger routines). Ive been competing in wushu and kali tournaments since i was 10, bjj/grappling since high school, and continues to compete in kali and bjj up to now. Ive also used krav maga and kali drills in work related fights and routinely use it when were doing MMA sports days at work. So, despite my deceptively petite stature, i can handle a LOT. Pun intended. Get over it. 😘 Anyway, with a little bit of finagling, i was able to convince several key fighters to let Kevin win their bouts. Kevin is pretty good from what i can tell, although hes more of a stand up fighter instead of a submission/ground and pound fighter. He just basically overwhelms people with his size and weight. Whenever he is down on the ground, he can easily strong arm people into submission. He’s about 6’5 against my 5’5 if im thinking tall thoughts. He weighs around maybe 250 lbs, against my 160 lbs soaking wet. Im pretty much physically half the person that he is. Lol. I can already tell that no amount of skill, training or wishful thinking in the world will let me win over someone who can easily overwhelm me with their innate weight and size. I face him for the first time in the last couple of matches before the semi finals, with several wins already under both of our names. The semi finals bracket is composed of 4 fighters and 1 random semi finalist whos been eliminated but won the selection fights, with the top 2 advancing to the finals cage. So i huddled with Milena and came up with a plan that heavily revolves around exploiting the selection fight. This “selection” fight will still be MMA rules and refereee and have the additional risk of bare knuckles and fighters’ choice of sparring weapons. (Padded kali sticks, blunt knives and swords, padded shinai (kendo) swords, shock knives, and pugil sticks.) This risk is offset by “protective padding”, but anyone whos ever sparred at anything can attest to how they only minimize the hurt. It still hurts. People who have been knocked out earlier in the process can “buy” into the selection fight twice and get another shot at being the fight night champion. People who have been knocked out from the semis can only buy in once. The buy in is twice the registration fee. The selection fight mat is “live” for as long as there fighters fighting on it, and as long as there’s still fighters qualified and willing to buy in. The selection fight will be closed for business once the final matches start. I think theres some other rules and conditions im forgetting to mention. The shock knives were a popular choice and had to have batteries swapped out a few times. People were just having the time of their lives shock knifing colleagues and even bosses. My favorite is when a mat had to be taken out of commission for cleaning and disinfecting. Some grunt shock knifed his buddy, and then drove a knee onto his gut. Buddy reacted the way most human bodies do when under stress: he vacated his bowels. Yup. He pooped himself. Poor guy. Bet you he’s gonna have fun with his new call sign. The time came when i had to fight Kevin. I have yet to lose a fight while Kevin is 1 and 1. One more loss and he’s out. As soon as the ref said: “Fight!” I immediately knelt and tapped on the mat. I just threw away my first fight against Kevin. I went against another fighter and won that one, and then tapped myself out again when i had to face Kevin one more. He didnt say anything to me but the looks he was throwing me while almost sneering were enough to tell me that if there arent any witnesses, he would have been jumping down my throat with insults. I went to the selection fight mat and bought myself back in. There was some other people in line and i quickly won against the ones i was matched with. If anyone is still reading to this point and counting, i now stand as King/Queen of the Hill, with the chance to be the dark horse fighter in the finals unless someone goes against me, and with one more buy in left if i get knocked out in the semi finals fight. And wouldnt you know it, Kevin got a thrashing in that one last fight before the semis. He bought himself back in and is now facing me on the mat. His weapon of choice was the pugil stick. I swapped out the shock knife ive been using to a pair of kali sticks. We were both padded up with our heads, upper body, and shins covered with padding + a groin protector. Ladies and germs, if youre still reading, let me tell you that this was the fight of my life. Ive done my share of both real life and training session fighting, but this one was the one fight that i will never forget. Its because i was facing someone that has been tormenting me, because of who i am as a person, non stop for months. He quickly charged at me as soon as the ref blew the whistle. But since he is padded up, hes just a bit slower and clumsier. Exactly how i need him to be. I deflected his pugil stick with my kali sticks. I was able to disarm him with a quick parry —> wrist strike —> disarming twist. Before the ref can blow his whistle, i smacked him on the head with a stick, dropped my sticks, and did a single leg takedown. I made sure to land on him with my entire body weight and my elbow planted on his belly. We are now both unarmed and has transitioned to grappling. Still stunned from the blow to the head, he was simply offering weak resistance. Before he could recover, i secured my full mount on him, snuck in a few hammer fists to the unprotected part of his face, and locked in a textbook American lock. I was cranking that bitch hard until the ref stopped the fight with me staying on as K/QOTH. I moved on to the semi finals while he bought himself back in. Before you know it, we were up against each other again in the semis and i outed myself again by tapping on the mat. I quickly regained K/QOTH status and am facing him again after he got ground and pounded to submission. This time, he picked the shock knife and i stuck to my kali sticks. He is a lot more wary this time after i caught him unawares in our first time fight. We spent a couple minutes jabbing and striking to test each other’s defenses. Finally, i caught an opening. He tried to stab at me with the shock knife. I dropped my left stick while sidestepping him, caught his knife hand with my left hand, digging my fingers into his tendons, and while still holding my remaining stick, i hit him with a straight jab to the face, and ended the action by jabbing downwards at the wrist i was holding with the butt of my stick. This caused his wrist to go limp and drop the knife. I have now disarmed him, again. I dropped the remaining stick and while still clutching his now limp right hand against my chest, hammer fisted his right shoulder at the joint, hit him a back fist on his neck, (i believe i hit, or came close to hitting his carotid artery), and followed up with an enpty handed palm strike to his nose. Ever felt ligaments crunching? Feels gross. Sounds even grosser. I broke his nose and knocked him out cold. He’s down and done. TKO is announced and i move on to the finals. He’s now been medically DQ’ed by the refs and medics attending. Since there’s no more fighters qualified or willing to buy in, i automatically advanced to the last couple semi finals fights. The rest of the night was a blur. I was gassed out by the time i qualified for the finals and got easily submitted with a kimura. To be fair, im not even mad i got so far into a US$25,000 competition only to get knocked out at 3rd place. Im not even mad about the black eyes or sore back or all the bruises. Because of the payback. This is sweet, sweet fuckery revenge for me. This son of a motherless whore has been tormenting me and my partner for months, casting a dark cloud in a what should have been a sweet moment for me and my partner both coming off of extended deployments and finally getting some down time together and finally getting to enjoy being homeowners. He has also been bad mouthing(?) us with our neighbours as we later learned. And for payback, i got to make him my bitch, twice. Part 2 coming up. The title would be: “You f***ing people!” and involves Karen a lot more.
Testing testing; check one two – DWT is live once again on Reddit! Terrific, terrific stuff Alas – promotion has remained minimal; albeit potentially theres more eyes on her than has become norm. This potential apparent, given the reengagement with previously visited pastures - the terrific AFC Chat. Never a place dismissed from my thoughts - the birth of Dad as an entity upon which at least a couple of sets of eyes are casually fixed can be attributed. One can never not include the place of their birth from the fondest memories; one can learn to have disdain from time to time - but these conflicts merely serve as realisations of fondness more oft than not. Never had a problem letting the Hat nestle on my head whenever it wants. That sense of wellbeing has manifested itself in a number of terrific ways this week - topped by some margin by Andrew Considine. What a fucking array of splendidness and no mistake. Wins, clean sheets, next manager talk - the positivity flow is at a level harking back to times when the Dons were associated with tilts at the title and whatnot. You miss that type of consistency when it disappears...especially when that energy falls short of realisation. Has oft been the case alas - but as long as the passion remains, it can be woken from its slumber and sent forth with new tactics and approach testing the boundaries of progress once more. I noticed there just as I was copying and pasting the framework for this here historic DWT, that I had etched the wrong date into the title for DWT20 (last weeks DWT) - ah no. Hope this didn't taint the experience too much. I always find a little bit of imperfection every now and again, really lends itself to the magic of wholesome fibre. Hey - we're all human haha. Others maybe no so much - but regardless; the existence of potential by whatever means. I found real faith in disregarding the advice dished out in many places - suggest theres only one way of doing things much the time. Fuck your advice hombre - no offence or owt. Don't get me wrong - I love to lean on a compadre about manys a specific topic - but theres much too many pricks who are intent on teaching you stuff in a more general sense; as if the way they wake up in the morn is optimum or some shite. Afraid not fud - yours is nowt more than a hair on the head of possibility. Given my mantra is fairly general - I'm treading carefully here haha; there is a distinction sparing me self-proclaimed ridicule. There's nothing amongst my ramblings that can really be described as advice - much more evident is the flavour of wonder...akin to the feeling one gets when reading something mystical or fantastical. A ways to go afore I'm rubbing shoulderblades with Tolkien and Rowling no doubt, but theres a path to be trodden. No reason why it shouldnae lead to a nice country house, swimming with well presented guests, inclusive of top names aplenty. Caviar, bisque, star fruit - the types of food that lets you know, 'Oh aye - I'm somewhere right now - hoo mama.' Yous are all invited 😎 For those keeping track - last week had us breathing smoothly from early on; Bristol Rovers wandering out to a lead with plenty left to play for, really opened up delicious double oppurtunities. As such - a nice early cash out of £20.27 setting up a half hour or so of hope that Mansfield could finally do me proud. They didnt - and adding to the woes, Salford surrendered a 2 goal lead to damage the stats. Pricks. Ach well - a stalemater; the same funds ploughed into this weeks adventure of a lifetime. A few more crewmates brings with it a sense of duty to provide; come home time, I envisage a banquet laid out on the table for us all to feast upon. With a pinch of assistance from the Good Lady Gambling, that might just be the fucking case - YES haha, good. So to wrap up - with the hope of a nation, coming to stop at the station - the sense of elation, at the lack of complication. Reddit Running Total (RRT) currently sits at -£122.02. Ah no. I’m not promoting it in the slightest to be put on; it's purely to be completely transparent about where the beans I'm spilling are being pushed towards – this is after all, a Life Experiment: Can a useless old arsehole prosper under strict weekly gambling conditions? Word of warning; prior to this – not really.
The sticky clarifies - but just to reiterate - here's the format...DRS20 is Dads Recommended Spend: £20. This is a lot of money granted - and I would encourage absolute apprehension if this sort of money represents life altering for you personally if zero is returned. I’m lucky enough to be able to afford to lose £20 in a week; but confess that if I got no return for say, 20 weeks in a row - I would likely be without something I value (a streaming service or summat). I don’t take it lightly. Four bets are placed with this outlay; a £5 Treble (DWT) and three £5 Doubles. Generally if two come up, the bet is covered (up or down £2 or so). My gambling prowess is pretty much a joke; so whilst I advertise, I in no way qualify them as a given. I’m a prick with plenty bollocks to spout is all. This is how I frame it.
So here it is - the one that celebrates new possibility, new experiences and new horizons; striding forth with a new sense of adulthood and maturity: Its DWT21 https://i.redd.it/vt32vync8mt51.gif
32.54/1 we get for this selection – terrific. Over 13's last week; over 32's this week - one whole week I lasted away from the thrills and spills of 30+ land...like an alluring breast offering milk, I must suckle once more. Fair to say that this particular 30+ number is a good smidge more strong looking than previous failures - nothing to worry about this fucking week haha YES 😎 NOTTINGHAM FOREST have been wandering down a dark path for a bitty and no mistake; 7 fucking defeats in a row.Bbefore that - two draws. Before that - another fucking defeat, then another fucking draw. Hoo mama. Still - manager out the door; the vigour with as much a chance of being present that most other times. no slouches blackburn of course; but with the home advantage - the onus is on them to thrust forth and leave themselves vulnerable to a Scott McKenna 50 yarder. WYCOMBE WANDERERS You see the pattern here; a wee tip at tide turners - teams on such a run of misery that surely must end for the love of fuck. Wycombe have had a tough time as many expected I suppose; fresh up from div 1 - the leap is a bitty of a culture shock and no mistake. A losing run stretching now to 4 in the league; they're are down in the doldrums alas. Visitors millwall arenae exactly Champions League contenders themselves mind you, representing a properly realistic opp to jumpstart the adventure. MANSFIELD TOWN are back once more - a determined run I'm on to snatch a rare bit of form out of the pricks. Home hasnae exactly been where the heart is currently alas; but theres it - the pattern appearing once more. Time to turn the tide back to terrific. A trip to a beach - meet the tide and have a big fuck off party; all three have turned up because they were tides that turned. The others perhaps a smidge more sporadic than these arseholes haha - but trust is thrust upon them nonetheless. So there we have it – nostalgia, hope and determination all apparent in equal measure. This time we do it right; wind in the sails – and off across the ocean in search of new worlds. A powerful pirate ship hunting high and low for treasures. Raise the fucking flag - the good ship DWT is back and ready to provide for its crew. If you play; play safe. DRS20 as always people. Frustration at the amount won, is better than the heartache at the amount lost. https://preview.redd.it/tytk369e8mt51.jpg?width=630&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=756645693ebc022f75153782214bb88bdcabb406
I'm just going to copypasta some of my previous tips and tricks in my post today for YOUR convenience and well-being. I've also added some NEW points here and there to bless you guys with more info about getting Karma. My hope is that you learn something from my sharing and can farm Karma more efficiently after reading my post
Tip 1: News links on world events, sports and weird news
I always find the latest news on BBC/ CNN/ CNBC/ CNA and post it on relevant sub-reddit for example I find the latest news that has just been out for 15 minutes and I copy the link and shere it to worldnews or News and NOT meddling with the original title.
This method need you to be aware of certain news and actually be on the watch for big well-known news site.*For sport news I would just stumble on some news article and post it to targeted SPECIFIC sport teams like chelsea, coys, or even soccer.
NBA is too vast and you really need to be on the watch for news there.. so check out specific teams like torontoraptors and so on.. Hope you get an idea
Please hide all your news post from your profile SO the mods who clicks on your profile would not detect you to be a spammer who SPAMS news all over the place.
Tip 2: Posting memes on the RIGHT subreddit to get Karmas
There is a low frequency of people doing this and you won't get a salty "REPOST" angry comment often.
WHY meme first? memes requires a specific number of Karma to be able to post it there. Therefore, farm Karma at meme first.
wholesomememes & HolUp is also a good place to post memes. BUT.. be careful of your meme format as both these subs are strict with their quality. I have gotten good karma from both these subs but it's quite challenging to get a post that goes viral here as the competition is steep.
Tip 3: Target BIG subs to farm for BIG upvotes & learn to get materials elsewhere
I got MOST of my Karma from oddlysatisfying, aww and unexpected. The key of doing this is basically hunting for new hot .gifs, videos (mp4) or pictures and posting it there.
Sometimes, you can hunt for quality post from smallesimilar subreddits like chonkers, dogs, cats, interestingasfuck and so on and just cross posting between the subs OR just downloading the videos/pictures/.gifs there and reposting later on.
Additionally, you can get your source from 9gag.com as only 20% or so contents there are from Reddit.. So, 80% of the materials there are original and NOT used in Reddit. People in Reddit will sometimes upvote some positive stuffs like crazy
Tip 4: Knowing WHEN to post
FINAL TIP is to know the TIME to actually post your things. I usually aim for U.S.A. time. Time-zones of highly dense people in America is important to know coz. Redditors are usually Westerners. Morning, Lunch break and Dinner time (6pm - 11pm) are the best time to post things.
[Example] Let's say, someone posted a .gif about 12AM New York time and I posted the exact SAME .gif at 7AM New York time. My post exploded and went all the way to all and gave me the privilage to enter EternityClub because TIMING is important and you don't wanna post something while people are sleeping
Tip 5: Don't FLOOD your posts a.k.a. Don't SPAM a sub
DO NOT FLOOD POST ANY SUBREDDIT AGGRESSIVELY TO FARM KARMA.
If you want to farm Karma efficiently, post at different subreddits ONCE per day and don't be greedy
There is a possiblity of getting permanently banned by the MODs from subreddits that are good for Karma farming if you keep SPAMing like a madman
Tip 6: Hunting for good contents from TELEGRAM
There are other people posting original content from 9gag to Reddit and you don't want to be THAT guy who repost things that has been forwarded to a certain subreddit.
There are good content from Telegram groups as listed below to be brought to Reddit
I do believe there are other TELEGRAM channels with good content, you just need to be familiar with the app and search those channels for yourself.
Tip 7: It's good to socialize in the comments section
ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS begin to reply to the first few comments to your post. Thank people for making a funny comment in your post because THAT COULD REALLY HELP TO SKY ROCKET YOUR POST TO all FRONT PAGE.
People sometimes awards funny comments and NOT your post and that is ALSO GOOD because it boosts your post popularity anyways.
DO NOT over do it and begin to reply to ALL the comments. Let people enjoy your content and learn to say thank you to people who gives your awards.
Tip 8: Learn how to deal with internet bullies and trolls
There will be internet bullies out there who downvotes your post earlier on and sometimes post mean comments to make you wanna delete your post.
People calling out "REPOST" just to throw you out of your game is also a common strategy between Karma farmers.
Ironically, there will be people who DMs you and while calling you a Karma Whore or whatever
Just learn to forgive them, remember that you're Karma farming for fun and doing a noble work entertaining people with funny/ cute/ awesome posts.
Tip 9: Don't complain and stay level headed
NEVER be entangle with stupid debates and stop whining having negative or low karma
Do the study and do the work before posting something you don't know about. [Example] Posting a .gif or a place without doing a background study can make you do some silly titles for your post - calling a Wallaby a Kangaroo is one of many examples of lack of knowledge before posting.
Karma farming is easy once you get the hang of it.
Tip 10: Continue to learn and be patient
Learn to know good .gifs, pictures and/or funny memes from telegram or 9gag. Sometimes, what seems to be funny to you might not be funny to the general audience of Reddit or to the specific group within the sub.
If your content suck, you need to admit your mistakes and learn why your content suck instead of trying to justify why your meme is funny or defending why that certain funny .gif is awesome and everyone else's opinion is garbage.
Try to understand other people's view point and improve your post selection from the sources I shared with you. It's not that hard., you just need to be flexible with what you like and play into the audience's demands.
Look at the top posts within the sub and just post anything similar to it or even better. The interest of people shifts very frequent in subreddits; [Example] Today people are interested in cats in aww and tomorrow dogs would be at the top 5 posts in aww.
Tip 11: Learning how to CONVERT videos and .gifs to a format that Reddit accepts
If you wanna convert from Twitter (Videos / .gifs) to mp4 files, you can use >>THIS WEBSITE<<.
If you're converting .webd to mp4 videos from 9gag, I suggest you use tools from >>HERE<<
A good Facebook video that would go viral in Reddit but hasn't been posted yet? Quickly grab the opportunity and convert the video using >>THIS TOOL<< before posting.
Got a YouTube video you like? There are a lot of tools around the internet.. BUT.. I really like >>THIS ONE<< since it gives me many options of video quality to choose from.
Tip 12: Posting ORIGINAL CONTENT for subs that appreciate OCs
Basically, you can get Karma for doing something you like.. you have a passion for farming? Show your crops at farming then! I'm pretty sure people will begin to appreciate your skills and efforts in planting some greens
Tip 13: Satisfied with the amount of Karma you have? or Seeking to just gain enough Karma to post at other subreddits? Stop farming.
You don't need 1 million Karma to just chill and relax at a sub you enjoy. Just getting by the required amount of Karma and stop the 'farming' phase is totally okay.
I don't want these tips to trap people into becoming Karma farming addicts and kinda miss the point of using Reddit - to enjoy a forum-like-community-with-like-minded-people.
Use the tips I shared to just get enough Karma to make you satisfied.
p.s. Getting Karma is easy and this subreddit itself is like a nursery to many people who are new before embarking on their Reddit life. Note: If I have futures tips and tricks, I'll just update this post from time to time and add stuffs here instead of creating a new post. Might wanna click on that save icon if you guys really wanna be kept updated. Thanks
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